Snicker Doodle Dandy

Taking it all in strides

2011-08-17T12:15:00.001-07:00

Well it's been 24 hours since I decided to change my perspective on life and I already have another piece of reflection.

I realize it is not enough just to take a deep breathe and accept things that don't go according to my expectations. I also need to appreciate things and people for how and who they are.

For instance, I was super frustrated with unexpected traffic yesterday, and was not provided with words of encouragement but rather asked if I would get there in time to leave for the game. I told myself not to be upset with said person, but then recognized that I needed to appreciate where he was coming from. It wasn't that he didn't care that I was in traffic, but I was already running late to get to the game and he loves his soccer games.

I'm not sure if that all makes sense, but I'm just realizing that taking things in stride also involves appreciating things where they are at.

With that, I also had a realization this morning. Despite all the smaller things in life that are continually going "wrong," I am sort of living the dream. I have always wanted to live outside of Arizona--on my own from my family, doing things on my own, paying bills, grocery shopping, the whole nine yards. I have successfully done that for the past year. I am pursuing a career that I am absolutely passionate about and have a knack for, which are two things that people cannot often say together about their careers. Although I am not near my family (a catch 22 of my dream life), I am still close enough with them, they are all healthy, and I even get to be involved in birthday parties via video chat. I have a great place to live, a job to keep myself busy (and pay the bills of course), and time to bake all sorts of goodies. This is glass half full, folks. I have quite the dream life and I need to start remembering that a bit more.

I can't forget to mention one important piece. I met someone new. A new boy who I have been too scared to talk about with many people for fear of hearing "isn't it too soon?" To be honest with you though, I am finally convinced that it is not too soon after the past week or so. I was under the impression that I was too much of a mess to be able to give anything good into a new relationship. Through many not easy conversations, I've finally been convinced that I'm wrong.

And let me tell you. This boy is cute...maybe even smokin' hot. He pushes me when I need to be pushed and reminds me that I am worth the fight. I did not expect this in the least and definitely dug my heels in the sand telling him and everyone that I wasn't sure this was the best idea for right now. But then I just couldn't get enough of him. He makes me smile and laugh uncontrollably. I have honestly had some of the best weekends of my life this summer--and I do not say that lightly. I could gush about this for quite a while, but wouldn't want to make ya'll jealous. I'll leave you with the fact that I am really happy and things are so good.

Seattle is 70 degrees today and I am going to happy hour with boy and friends after work. Even with the boy I nanny throwing things at me and yelling that I am evil--this day cannot be ruined. Here's to looking at life as glass half full.

Perfection

2011-08-16T09:40:00.001-07:00

Perfectionism is such an interesting vice. It is one of those strength-weaknesses that you spout in an interview. Well you see, I am very detail-oriented which ensures high quality work, but sometimes I get caught up in wanting things to be perfect instead of moving on.

I often value perfectionism—I tell myself that it helps me strive toward being the best version of myself or doing my best work on a project. You know, if you are striving toward perfection then you’re trying your hardest. Sounds like a pretty rational thought process, right?

Today, I had a revelation that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Who knew it would be such a slippery slope.

When I take a look at nearly every stressor, relational argument, or self-criticism—they all revolve around perfection. I either expect perfection in others or myself and it is quite demoralizing on all accounts. I can never win in the game of perfection, and neither can anyone else for that matter. This is definitely something I have realized before on a smaller scale, but I am beginning to comprehend the negative attributes of perfectionism now more than ever.

I have all these expectations for people, which I think is a pretty normal thing…right? Expectations come from all sorts of places and they are okay to have as long as you cut people some slack when they don’t meet your every expectation. This is where the ugly perfectionism runs in to wreak havoc.

For instance, say I expect someone to arrive at 6:30. He said he would leave his house in a half hour, which would be around 6. Add about 20 minutes driving time (because I am feeling nice) and a few minutes for slack (feeling extra nice) and call it 6:30. You follow me? Then when said person arrives at 6:50—I can’t figure out what went wrong and feel frustrated. {I promise this scenario is hypothetical….ha…I wish}

When you tie perfectionism up with my love for planning, you get scenarios such as the above story quite often. I expect perfection according to my expectations. And goodness gracious—how incredibly ugly is that scenario? {Wouldn’t you all just love to date me? Sounds fun, right?}

Lately, I have been feeling like nothing is happening according to plan—jobs, health, relationships, living situations, car problems, dinner menus, baked goods, arrival times, and everything else under the sun (or more like under the clouds because we don’t get sun in Seattle). I can handle one or two things, but am feeling a big overwhelmed over here. I hit a wall yesterday wondering when it was going to stop. All I wanted was a rejuvenating summer, but the lemons just keep coming. I knew this was a perspective problem. I had to be positive in order to come out on top, but had no idea how I would muster the motivation to snap into positive land just one more time. The idea of it feels exhausting in and of itself.

I finally realized this morning that I am expecting my definition of perfection in every aspect of my life, which is slowly but surely tearing me down. The joke is on me--it is my own perspective that is eating me alive, not all of life's stressors. That is something I can definitely handle.

This has been eating at me for a while. I have always wanted to be a more easy going person, but could never figure out how to grasp that perspective. I think I found the path toward that today. I am going to slowly but steadily begin to accept the perspective that things will fall where they may and I need to take it all in stride. Sounds simple enough, but I am well aware it is an uphill battle slashing out perfectionism. Nonetheless, I am excited and hopeful.

Except for the fact that I probably won’t do this perfectly either. Darn it.

Another creation

2011-08-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

I am the worst at follow through. I wanted to post all my homemade Christmas gifts for the world to see and I failed on 2 occasions.

1. Didn't actually post them (well only 2 of them)

2. Didn't actually take pictures of all of them

I am just glad all my projects were actually finished in time for Christmas. Two were finished at about 1 am Christmas morning.... Procrastination at its finest.

One gift I particularly loved making was for my sister, Jen. I am thoroughly obsessed with my niece, Jaylen, my sister's now 3-year-old munchkin. She is the best. No questions asked. For Christmas 2009, I gave Jen a decorated wooden block of pictures of JJ from throughout her first year and a half of life. This past Christmas I decided I am going to make it a tradition and decorate a block every year of Jaylen pictures from the past year. We'll see how long this tradition actually lasts--I feel like Jaylen will think it is creepy once she reaches about age 12.

Here are pictures of the creation!

Can't you imagine how cute all these blocks will look together in a few years? I can't wait.

Life is funny

2011-08-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

For about the past month now, I have been wading around with this cloud over my head.

My wonderful dermatologist decided to throw out to me that I might have PCOS.

Her: "OH! You might have PCOS which is common in people with chronic acne...(words trail off as I begin to process what in the world she just said)"

Me: "PC..what? what?"

Her: "Oh PCOS, you know, that's Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome {oh, of course}--it's pretty common in women but it's just a possibility. You should talk to your gynecologist {Yeah we're besties, I'll shoot her a text}. So...I'm thinking we should try acctuane. {...yeah over my dad's dead body}"

Me: (in my head because she won't stop talking) "Cysts? What even is that exactly? In my ovaries? What does that mean? Wait accutane? WTF! Sure lady, sign me up."

{please catch the severe sarcasm...The background on miss dermatologist is a whole other story not worth mentioning. Moral of her story: she sucks.}

What is PCOS you ask? Look it up here. Sounds like a lot of fun, right?

So this began a month ago. I have had this looming cloud of possible PCOS without many answers from doctors, but just an excessive waiting game. Just when life got good again. Just when I am literally having the best weekends of my life. Life is funny. It couldn't let me just enjoy myself, but had to throw a curve ball. I guess I should be so fortunate that this {possible} bomb dropped in a particularly happy time in my life. That's just the way things go. But let me tell you one thing, I wouldn't change my summer for a second {and that's a story for another post}.

Well, one gyno visit and one hormone blood test later and we have reached today. The day for a pelvic ultrasound. An ultrasound? Aren't those for pregnant ladies? Yes, I thought the same thing. So they just rub the goo and little camera thing across your stomach, right? Again, that sounds like what I imagined walking into the hospital this morning. But oh no...they have to poke and prod your insides too. No big deal... Why did no one warn me about this? Why is the only info I have about PCOS still from webMD? {apart from my lack of asking questions due to shock}. I {supposedly} find out the results tomorrow, but reflecting on the way things have gone I doubt that will be the case. I would like to wave my white flag and let someone else win the waiting game. I'm definitely over it.

After my exam today I decided to celebrate. No more pity parties. I have come to realize that I am very thankful that no matter what the results are (PCOS or not) that it is not a death sentence in the least. As my level-headed sister put it "medical science will have (my) back." Who knew those words would be so comforting.

In order to celebrate, I bought a delectable breakfast sandwich from Homegrown along with a delicious coffee. Since the sun was just beginning to peak through the clouds, I went and sat at Kerry Park which overlooks the Seattle skyline. {Like so}

I consumed my sandwich, basked in the sun, sipped my coffee, and leisurely read The Poisonwood Bible {which I just began last night and am already enthralled}. I sat for about an hour watching the tourists roll in and out--snapping pictures from every angle and with every combination of fellow travelers. I also am going to bake, do laundry and probably go for a run--all some of my favorite things. After all these wonderful activities, I get to end the day reading at the park while sharing dinner with one of my favorite people. As much as I hated the thought of today, it might have just turned it into one of the best days of summer.

Today is a pleasant {and much needed} reminder that life is good. So incredibly good.

She ran ahead where there were no paths.

2011-07-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

Well it has been awhile. Summer has technically begun with being out of school and work, but Seattle is 58 degrees and raining today. I am not loving that fact and would even put up with 100 degrees in Arizona with a smile on my face.

You won't believe what happened. I didn't get to run my half marathon. I was supposed to pick up my race number and check in the day before the race. Guess when I realized that? 10 pm on Friday night as I was getting ready to go to bed. I saw in beautiful red words "no race number pick up on race day." After some tears, life went on. I need to get back to running again because I really miss it.

I feel like I have a lot to say right now, but am not sure how to put it all into words. I am in a much different place in my life than I was a month ago. I am learning a lot about myself and am happier than I have been in a long time. I feel like I am really living life and truly feel alive. I've never described myself as feeling alive, but that word accurately describes me right now. I am living by the quote below:

I am also doing more doing instead of trying. Instead of trying to improve ______, I am just doing it. I am not sure if that even makes sense, but I'll report back later with specifics. I will also finish my 9th grade series that began below. I've had a hard time putting the last section into words. Moral of this post: I am really happy. Really happy.

9th grade: The days and weeks after State

2011-05-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

You will want to read this first--9^th grade: The day before State-- as this post is the 2nd part of a 3 part series.

I obviously made it through. Our jr. high cheer squad won 3^rd…I think? Maybe even 4^th…? Funny how things that were so important at one point—are clearly not important in the long run. My co-ed club cheer squad probably got 1^st…? At that point in time AZ Heat was the #1 competitive cheer program in the state, so we usually won by sheer difficulty of our routines. That sounds arrogant, but I say that to say that I could’ve performed pretty poorly and we probably would have still won…no thanks to me at all.

The next week also consisted of a lot of tears. A lot of hard conversations. A few mixed CDs of sad songs that reminded me of my friend who had died {I still have these}. A nearly unbearable viewing. A funeral I wasn’t allowed to go to {Parents wouldn’t let me miss school and didn’t think it was right to let me wallow in that sadness anymore…probably for the better}.

Following Ryan’s suicide, I was introduced to new terms and ideas. Ryan had a chemical imbalance in his brain and they were trying new medication. Medications for this type of issue can have detrimental side effects—like pushing someone into deeper depression. I learned that what looked perfect on the outside of families is often not what it seems.

Every family has its issues and shortcomings. Things are not always what they seem. People are not always what they seem. People are not always as happy as they may seem. The idea that I could have done more as a friend to Ryan has not left me—even 8 years later.

I began to fear keeping anything to myself. I promised not to keep my negative thoughts to myself for fear I’d become depressed and then shut down and then not want to talk to anyone and maybe get so deep and dark that I’d want to commit suicide. I was terrified that would happen to me. I now realize this is irrational, but that’s just where I was at during that time.

I became an oversharer who gave everything in relationships with people. I gave up things at a split second if anyone needed me and stayed up way too late at night (when I should’ve done homework) to help friends solve their problems. I relied on others so much for my emotional wellbeing and expected people to know what to do with it. As you can imagine, this fed into a handful of difficult relationships, broken hearts, and lots of confusion. This process continued to change me in one way or another over the next few months and years.

An Understatement

2011-05-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

To say I had a much-needed weekend away with my best friend would be quite an understatement. I had THE best weekend—relaxed, restored, and happy. One of my best friends from high school, Rachel, lives in Bakersfield with her husband and in-laws. When I was anticipating this weekend, many people gave me their unwelcomed opinion of “Bakersfield? What are you going to do there?”

I arrived Friday at noon and we headed to an infamous hot dog stand in LA. Hot dogs are without a doubt one of my favorite foods, so already an excellent start. We then proceeded to shop, shop, shop at The Grove shopping center in LA. We hit up Nordstrom, J Crew, Anthropologie, Victoria’s Secret, and the list goes on. I am not someone who loves shopping or does it when I am upset or anything like that. But the mix of the California sun, shopping for fun clothes, and most importantly the company of a long time best friend and I couldn’t tell you the last time I felt so happy.

Rachel and I became friends my junior year of high school through our mutual love of One Tree Hill. She owns all the seasons and from time to time we have been known to have marathons of our favorite show. Of course, we did a little of that this weekend as well. At the beginning of one of the episodes one of the characters said this quote:

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there…because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else-something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize…you're happy."

It is totally cheesy and from a dramatic TV show, but it struck me. On Friday, I kept telling Rachel how happy I was. I literally felt high on something because I couldn’t stop smiling and felt more confident than I’d felt in so long. I was totally surprised by my own happiness and it was fabulous.

We didn’t do a whole lot this weekend but watch shows together, see a movie, and eat good food…but it was the greatest. Time with a best friend is so underestimated. It was just the healing I needed as I’m headed into an extremely stressful week. I feel {almost} stress free and excited about what’s next! Thank you for the much-needed weekend, Rachel. I’m so glad we’re still friends after all these years and can pick up like we hadn’t skipped a beat.

9th grade: The day before State

2011-05-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

I remember 9^th grade fondly. Here I was: a co-captain of my freshman cheer squad, a cheerleader at a national champion cheer club {you can laugh to yourself, it’s okay}, sitting with all the football players at lunch (they were even my close friends and great friends at that), getting straight A’s in advanced classes, great group of fun girl friends who would be there through anything, with a wonderful and supportive family. Ninth grade looked like a phenomenal year and anyone looking at it from the outside would probably think I had it all.

But there is one day I will never forget that has changed me forever. It has changed the way I treat relationships, the way I view my family, the way I deal with a crisis, the way I share about my emotions.

It was the day before the state cheer competition—both of my squads were competing. {I hesitate to mention cheer for fear of not being taken seriously, but just go with me.} I hopped in my mom’s car after our last practice at AZ Heat (the club cheer) and we headed to my next practice for my freshman cheer squad. This was the first year our Jr. high had ever competed in a competition. My squad had worked SO hard to put together a stellar, competitive routine. Point being: this was a big deal and a highly stressful time. I casually picked up my phone to check a voicemail from my best friend thinking it was concerning our upcoming cheer practice. I was focused on the state competition ahead and could not wait to see how all our hard work paid off.

The voicemail began and I couldn’t understand her. She was crying and shaky and I listened to it 3 times before deciphering what she said. I can still visualize that exact moment 8 years later.

Bottom line, one of our guy friends had committed suicide. One of the most friendly, intelligent, happy, loving guys I had ever met was gone. And let me tell you—I don’t use “most friendly” or “happy” lightly in a “that’s what you say about people who died” kind of way. He is still hands-down one of the friendliest and happiest guys I have ever known.

My mind was blown. I had to pull it together for the next two days because I was responsible for rallying my jr. high cheer squad to do our BEST performance at state. It was my idea for us to compete, so the competition weighed heavily on me. I also had to somehow land a standing back flip for my club cheer squad that I had yet to land in practice. Endless hours of practice had gone in to these next 2 days. These things seemed so petty with this glaring news, but some things just have to be done. Life couldn’t stop. Life couldn’t pause and people were counting on me.

I have never truly shared how this day or event has changed my life. {And yes, my life was changed more than just the stress of making it through a state cheer competition.} I plan to share a least one {if not two} more posts about this life-changing and life-giving event. Thanks for joining me as I unpack this event that is still difficult to talk about.

A window into my mind

2011-05-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

Lately my life has consisted of endless reflection. Why did I say that? Why did I do that? Why did things turn out in this way? I ask those questions out of curious introspection—not out of sadness or regret.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I love to self-analyze. I love to figure out exactly why I would have acted a certain way or would have said a certain thing. I like to figure out what past experiences and current life stressors drive my thoughts and actions. Talk to me a week after any “life crisis” I may have told you about and I will have a detailed explanation (possibly a myriad of interconnected explanations) for why things turned out the way they did and what I am going to do to heal, process, and change those outcomes in the future.

This might all sound fine and dandy, but let me let you in on a secret. This is exhausting.

I do come at all these things with the perspective that everything happens for a reason to better prepare me for the future. However, with a handful of super stressful, heartbreaking, and life changing events happening within a month of each other (sometimes even a week of each other) over the past few months of my life—I am exhausted. I am sick of analyzing. I am sick of venting all of my worries onto my roommates (and anyone who happens to be within 10 feet of me). It is getting a little silly if you ask me. I am sick of losing sleep and sick of the anxiety.

So what’s next you ask? I called someone. I scheduled an appointment with a trusted Seattle counselor. I have not gone crazy, folks. I have always spouted off that everyone would benefit from some healthy time talking to a certified counselor or therapist. I am finally following my own advice and seeking someone’s insight other than my own.

My psychology background is screaming at me to make some sense of my scattered, sleepless thoughts. I cannot wait to talk to someone and have her point out different parts of my negative lines of reasoning. I cannot wait to have someone stop me and say “you are wrong.” Yes, mom and dad, I am actually excited to have someone tell me I am wrong. Maybe I have gone crazy.

Despite what I know about psychologists through studying psychology in undergrad, I still have my misconceptions about Freudian psychoanalysis and talking about my “daddy issues.” These are the misconceptions that have kept me from chatting with a counselor before now. I am choosing to set aside my prejudice and choosing to move forward.

Either way, I feel healthy. Too exhausted to continue introspection on my own, but healthy nonetheless. That is something I am proud of and am so thankful for that bit of peace.

On another note—this next week marks my last week of my first year (out of 2) of graduate school! Holy smokes.

Small update

2011-05-16T06:30:00.000-07:00

So, turns out I am not going to Spain. Supposedly the family found someone else? Weird deal, but whatever. I'm back in contact with the nanny agency I worked for last summer--A Nanny for U--and I'm hoping to get a close to full time nanny job this summer.

Seattle in the summer should be beautiful and I'm excited to actually get out and explore way more than I did last summer.

I ran 8 miles yesterday, but it took me close to 2 hours. Blah. I set my face too quickly for the first 4 miles and had to walk a lot of the 4th mile because I was in a lot of pain. This is why you train, I guess. Now I know I have to run 10 min and walk 1 min NOT run 12 min and walk one min. Next week will be 10 miles and I'm nervous and excited about it!

I am going to LA in 2 weeks to visit one of my best friends, Rachel Kartchner Clyde, and I am super excited to get out of the cold rain and into beautiful southern California!!!

Hoorah! I am looking forward to this 4 day work week. We have the EEU Annual Auction on Saturday which is a HUUUUUGE deal, so we have school closed on Friday (and a half day on Monday) to prepare for the auction and then clean up from the auction. It should be grand! Hope you all have a great week.

Brothers & Sisters

2011-05-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

I have been watching a lot of this show on Netflix {since I finished the entire series of Grey's...}:

I have seen this show off and on in the past because my parents used to save it on the DVR. I love watching shows that are simply about family dynamics. (ex: 7th Heaven, Parenthood, ect) I love love love that beyond all their drama in their own lives, the Walkers (the main family in this show) always have each other's backs, always love each other, and always spend time together. My crazy family is so much like them. We all have drastically different lifestyles, but love each other all the same.

One person who is particularly like someone in my family is this woman:

Nora Walker (Sally Fields character in this show) is a more neurotic and more intense version of my own mother. She is the glue that holds the family together. She is always planning family get togethers, making sure everyone is doing okay, putting out the fires of our arguments, and constantly doing everything she can for us. I laugh to myself as I watch her children roll their eyes at some of the things she does for them or when they tell her to just stop. At times things may seem too much (like always cleaning our rooms), but she does those things because she loves her kids and just wants to make life easier for them however she can. This is exactly my wonderful mother. This show has single-handedly made me realize I have a future in Arizona.

...which actually sort of bums me out. You all might be surprised to hear this, but I have absolutely fallen in love with the city of Seattle. I love all the trees and the coffee and the places to run. I love that it is hard to find a parking spot and that there are too many hills to count because that is just part of life here. I love Seattle for all it has to offer. I love that everyone owns a brightly colored raincoat and a pair of rain boots. I love this city and would absolutely love to settle down and maintain a life here. I just could never do that at the expense of not seeing my family. I do not particularly love Arizona...at all. It's hot, not very pretty, kind of a bubble, not very diverse, ect ect.

But watching the Walkers randomly pop in to each other's houses, all showing up at the hospital when a child is hurt, attending countless family events together--all of those things without a doubt overshadow my love for Seattle. I still plan to buckle down here in Seattle and live life here as much as possible because I don't know where and when God will move me out of this city. Lately, my mind has become very open to any new opportunities that come my way.

I am in such an exciting place in my life where I do not yet have obligations that hold me to a certain schedule or lifestyle. I am excited to dig deeper in my relationship with Christ this summer as I get to know myself again and learn who He made me to be. I do not have enough time to do young life right now, so I plan to get involved in the high school ministry at my church up here because I miss ministering to high school kids so so much. The psychology part of me misses listening to the hurts and joys in the lives of high school kids and providing the needed guidance, support, and love to these kids. Now to finishing up that cover letter that has been looming over my head for a few weeks...

Music heals a heart

2011-05-02T00:52:00.000-07:00


Music has definitely been a huge part of my life lately. This song by Sarah Barellis

that I talked about before describes exactly how I've been feeling. Being a serial

dater, I've had a lot of broken hearts and hard break ups in my day, but this is

still like nothing I have ever felt before. I've definitely been living the cliche'

line of "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Here I come to keep getting

stronger!

No words, my tears won't make any room for more

And it don't hurt like anything I've ever felt before

This is no broken heart, no familiar scars

This territory goes uncharted...

Just me in a room sunk down in a house in a town

And I don't breathe

Though I never meant to let it get away from me

Now I'm too much to hold,

everybody has to get their hands on gold

And I want uncharted

Stuck under the ceiling I made,

I can't help the feeling...

I'm going down Follow if you want,

I won't just hang around

Like you'll show me where to go

I'm already out of foolproof ideas

So don't ask me how to get started

It's all uncharted

It's All Uncharted

2011-04-09T15:44:00.000-07:00

Here is another collection of gifts I made for Christmas. I forget where I even found the idea of mod-podging book pages onto canvas, but I loved the idea and have zillions of ideas of other pieces of art I can make with this simple medium.

The first piece was for my sister, Alyssa. She has been involved in theatre all her life, so the drama faces seemed like a good fit. They were a pain to trace, glue, and glitter. I was determined to use the purple glitter (her favorite color). The book pages were from Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist--the first play my sister and I ever acted in together. Super sentimental, right? {Poor lighting in my room lead to not the clearest pictures...I need to work on that}

The next piece is for my sister-in-law, Cheryl and my beautiful baby niece, Brynn. The book was called the Tao of Pooh, which I thought was clever and fun. I just mod-podged on some letters I cut from scrapbook paper and tied the bow to make it a bit more feminine!

Just downloaded some new music today that I'm pretty excited about. Mumford & Sons, Sara Bareilles, Alexi Murdoch, & some Missy Higgins -- semi random selection.

I also just got back from a 3 mile run! I am super excited that I can now run 3 miles in the time I was running 2 miles before. Add in the elevation factor and I am getting a rockin' work out. Hoorah! I told myself that once I can run 5 miles 3 times a week...I can spend some cash on cool work out clothing and maybe new shoes. I think I should set up some sort of weekly reinforcement schedule....hmmm love this idea.

Have I mentioned yet that I might spend my summer in Spain as a live-in au pair for a Spanish family? We're still in the works of emailing and figuring things out, but I am getting super excited. The family lives 2 miles from the beach and has two little boys--oh it would be grand!

Another exciting note...MY PARENTS COME NEXT WEEK!!!! April 16 - 24 and I couldn't be more excited. I have created an extensive "things to do" list and cannot wait to eat delicious food and explore more of Seattle. I am keeping my fingers crossed for little to no rain. I think my mom is getting pretty worried about the rain--it is not at all like the pouring rain often shown on Grey's Anatomy. It barely pours like that. If anyone has any "must do" Seattle ideas, please let me know!

{My mood has clearly improved. I am guessing it is predominately from the endorphins I received from running...don't be too fooled.}

The good days are slowly balancing out the bad. The future seems very "uncharted"--a term I'm stealing from a Sara Bareilles song I just downloaded. Not sure where I will live in the fall, what I will be doing this summer, where I will be working next year. For someone who loves clear cut plans, it's honestly pretty scary. I am trying to embrace the adventure of it and stay positive. I have lots of options for each unknown, which is quite exciting and quite the gift.

As Sara B. says in her "Uncharted" song--I am out of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how to get started. One day at a time...here I come!

Beautiful disaster

2011-04-05T20:29:00.000-07:00

The title of this blog describes my past month. March was a beautiful disaster. I sit here and wonder where the entire month even went.

I did a lot of things I'd never done before--the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Let's start with some of the good: I have actually committed to running! WOO! I can consistently run 2 miles without stopping. I am having a lot of fun playing around with my strides, pace, and duration of running without stopping. I have begun to run in my neighborhood more which has zillions of hills. I can confidently face them without stopping or turning around. My stride slows significantly, but it's such an exhilarating challenge. I actually just got back from a 2.25 mile run and I ran probably 2 miles of it. Hoorah. I love pushing past the pain in my legs and running to the beat of my music as I reflect on the chaos I've created in my life. I even got in a 4 mile run somewhere along the way. Now when I begin to run I instantly feel on pace and happy--it is fantastic.

Two weeks ago was my UW spring break, but I still had 8-4 work at the EEU. I lived that spring break like a freshman in college. Fill in the blanks as to what you think that would look like. I am going to spare the embarrassing details. That Friday at work my coworkers were astonished by my stories. One even mentioned he was a bit worried--which is a lot coming from him. However, another coworker pulled me aside that morning and told me that it was okay that I was a mess right now. That is was okay that I was letting loose and finding myself again.

Oh. my. goodness.

He had no idea how that truth would literally set me free. At that point I began to stop searching for some crazy outlet to hide the pain I was feeling. Of course, the next week consisted of lots of crying--which I hadn't allowed myself to do yet. There has been lots of crying. Lots of realizing I am losing my best friend and then having to search for my breath again because the thought of that is so heartbreaking? devastating? unfathomable? All of those words don't quite hit the mark of the emotion, but you get the point. I'm finally showing the world the real hurt that is going on inside.

{Did everyone just think I was coping really well? I'm not sure but I've felt super alone over here.} I assume the fact that I have been laughing it all off the past few weeks and making a fool of myself that everyone just thought I was okay. It is also not easy for me to come to people for emotional help or advice. I love to be the person people go to, but prefer to cry alone.

Anyway, you can see that I am still very much processing what is going on in my life. The next step to all of this processing is going to be messy. When life is so entwined with someone else's, the teasing apart of each life is painful. Oh and to top that off, I got hives this week for the first time in my life. Had a small outbreak yesterday, some more this morning, and then more during class tonight. Freakin' fabulous. What's next?

On another happy note, I have made huge strides with my kids a school--I just love them so much. I have also really screwed up with kids at school by making a wrong decision or a wrong direction, so I've learned a lot in that realm as well during the month of March. I just began a new quarter at UW--my last quarter of my 1st year of graduate school!

Overall, there are some good days and some really bad days, but life continues. At church on Sunday, Pastor Richard talked about renouncing the lies and turning toward the truths. I am just beginning to unfold all the lies I have let seep into my life and have made me view aspects of myself and my life in a different way. My roommates and a few new close friends have been amazing support in helping me see the truth. More to come. Join me again soon!

As promised.

2011-03-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

I talked incessantly about the Christmas gifts I made my family, but never shared them. I didn't get pictures of all of them, but I do have pictures of many of them.

One of my favorite gifts I made was a diaper and/or wipes case for my sister-in-law who just had a baby girl at the end of December. I found a tutorial for this project here and after much frustration (and some help from Kevin's mom) here is my masterpiece! {Please excuse the poor picture quality}

I even made my first fabric flower. I was attempting to make a ruffle to place across the entire top of the flap, but the flower worked too.

I am not someone who sews. I actually haven't sewn a thing since my 7th grade home ec class (until this past november). Now I am in love with sewing and inheriting my mom's old machine!

Anyway, this diaper case was even more exciting because I "repurposed" an old skirt of mine. The skirt was my absolute favorite but the elastic had given out. I had high hopes of saving the skirt by just taking some inches off the elastic, but I learned you need to make better measuring plans before you start cutting things apart...

Over the next few days I will continue to post all of my creations I made for Christmas. Hopefully that will cheer this place up a bit!

Stupid flu.

2011-03-17T19:54:00.001-07:00

Ugh. I was super inspired and had all of these wonderful things to blog about. I was pumped about running and pumped about my meal plan...

But life always always always has other plans for you.

Monday night I slept from 7:30 pm to 6:30 am. Yes...11 hours. That's when I knew something was up. Tuesday at school was okay, but I had this killer cough. All my coworkers would stare at me in worry. Tuesday night I couldn't keep my eyes open and it was only 8 pm. My body feels hot...what is a fever again? My body aches so much...it has to be the running.

Sure enough when Wednesday morning came around, I knew I had to call in sick.

And goodness gracious, let me tell you, this is NOT the week to call in sick at my job. Some crazy things are going on in my wonderful classroom right now and my staff could really use an extra set of hands.

Instead, I have been in bed for about 48 hours.

I am officially sick of Greys Anatomy. I have finished the series of Friday Night Lights. And I have taken 2 bathes and 2 showers because I don't know what else to do. My meal plan has gone to waste (maybe it'll still be okay next week?) and I'm bummed I've missed days of running (still strongly considering the Seattle rock n' roll 1/2 marathon June 25).

Ugh. Life always has other plans. Is this God trying to stop me from yet again trying to take control of my own life? Most likely. I'm kind of a control freak. I get it already.

I get it.

Okay, okay. I obviously don't get it. At all. Here's to all of you out there who are currently waving your white flag. I'm right there with ya.

I don't know what I want

2011-03-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

So don't ask me. Cause I'm still trying to figure it out. Don't know what's down this road. I'm just walking. Trying to see through the rain coming down. I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world. {Thank you, Tay Swift}

As you can see from that rambling of a post yesterday, I have a lot of thoughts rolling through my mind and lots of change coming my way. I hope you join me on this journey as I begin to explore running, dive into deeper relationships with my kiddos at school as I seek to give them the best education possible, and as I try to figure out how I got to where I am.

I had a beautiful run through Magnolia yesterday. I live at the bottom of Queen Anne hill, but babysat this weekend on the other side of Magnolia near the water and found a spot I am in love with. The area over near the water reminds me of places I would spend time with in Australia and I absolutely fell in love.

I ran as the rain fell on my head and Taylor Swift sang in my ear. I found a little nook to walk out on the cliff and look over the Puget Sound. It was such a perfect movie-moment. I cleared my mind and concentrated on my breathing as Taylor Swift kept singing,

"Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesn’t work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out."

- Breathe

I couldn't believe how those silly words fit what I was feeling so perfectly. I have been trying to swerve away from the difficult decisions in my life. And this past week I have been excessively trying to talk, talk, talk, and fix the mess I made in order to save it all from falling apart.

I realize this is a lot of inside information into the confusion of my mind, but this is therapeutic for me. I am fully embracing the concept of giving things time to process. As I quieted my mind, {desperately cried out to Jesus that I was done taking control}, I know I am being told to slow down and wait. Something that is my BIGGEST weakness. I plan to blog a lot as I continue this process and begin to live in my biggest weakness. I plan to focus on running, my new meal plan, and on becoming a better teacher.

Join me if you please. But caution, the oversharing is no where close to over. You've been warned.

I just became a runner.

2011-03-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

I went on a run today for the first time in a long time and I am officially calling myself a runner. To those of you who have been dedicated to this sport for a long time, I'm sorry if this offends you that I am taking on this title after one day, but hear me out...

I have never gone on a run in my life and felt like I never wanted to stop or like it was refreshing or like I wanted to do it again and again and again. I just went on the best run of my life and I am calling myself a runner because it is officially something I want to do every day (as often as I can). I feel exhausted and refreshed and bustling with energy (which is a huge deal to me right now).

To be fair, I am also a quitter and a mess.

I am a quitter because I don't push myself beyond my limits in things that I am not confident that I am good at. I push in relationships, push with my kids at school, push on my school work. I give up on most other things. Take running for example, I run a little bit one time about once every other month. During that run, I always slow down and convince myself that running is just not for me. I quit.

For those that know me, you are probably thinking "you don't give up, you take risks, ect ect" But let me promise you, I am a quitter and just hide it really really well by my incessant "busy" schedule.

Next, we have the "I am a mess" statement to clarify. Take a stethoscope into my thoughts or listen to a story about my past week and you will be more than satisfied with that label on my life. I have made such an ugly, sticky mess this week of the relationships in my life. I am now single and officially trying to stop picking up the pieces. Why? (You ask) Why am I stopping? Oh, that would be because I pushed and pushed to fix my relationships and made them a bigger mess in the process.

I am reaching the end of one of the hardest weeks in my life and I am still breathing. (which is a success I would like either a gold star or maybe a smelly sticker for, please?) Although this has been one of the hardest weeks emotionally and personally, this has also been one of the sweetest weeks with my kids at school. I have been hyper-focused at interacting with my kiddos at school in effort to force my mind to stop thinking {I literally didn't take my 1/2 hour break all week because I didn't want to stop...like I said - I'm a mess}.

From all this rambling, I will leave you with a beautiful story of one of my sweetest moments this week. Ralph (name changed for confidentiality) is a 6-year old child in my kindergarten class. Ralph is known around school for his shrieking (cry/yell/shout) he often does in the hallways when he does not get what he wants or cannot communicate exactly what he wanted--yes, the WHOLE school can hear. Anyway, one day at the end of playcourt, as I turned around to help another child exit the playground, Ralph--in full force--took both fists and hit me in the back because I had removed a toy from his hands before he was ready. After taking some time to recompose, the day continued.

Later, during free choice time, I was determined to ignore Ralph because his hit actually hurt and had damaged my trust for him and our relationship. I was in charge of "floating" around the classroom to make sure kids were engaged and getting along, when Ralph walked up to me with picnic basket in hand..."Do you want to go on a picnic?" he asked in his cartoon-like voice. I wanted to say no, I wanted to tell him how I really felt, I wanted to tell him I couldn't take it anymore. But, in my kindergarten-teacher-has-it-all-together voice, I sighed, "Of course." And he proceeded with, "Okay, follow me!" We enjoyed a beautiful picnic together as we lounged on our sides on the comfy grass (aka: gross carpet). We ended up having to clean up because (in Ralph's words) it was smelling like rain.

That's grace, folks. The adult in me was ready to ignore, be angry, and carry around the weight of the hurt relationship. Meanwhile, this beautiful child was over it and ready to move on with life and enjoy our relationship again. Thank you, Ralph, for teaching me to let go and move on.

Oh, and also...thank you for the delicious plastic pineapple. I had a delightful picnic.

Small makeover

2010-11-23T20:37:00.001-08:00

My blog got a mini makeover! I am so excited for the change. The design before was my {very} sad attempt to make my blog unique. I found this wonderful women who offers a few free ENTIRE blog design sets!

As you can see by my explosion of posts, I am much more dedicated to my blog than ever before. I love the word of blogging and have big dreams for my blog. I think I came up with a name for my etsy shop - Snicker Doodle Dandy. I was sitting there thinking of my favorite things hoping that would help with a name. Snicker Doodles are on my top 5 {maybe #1} favorite cookies, so there you have it folks. What do you think?

Today, I babysat the twins {boy/girl 4-year-olds) and we made handprint turkey Thanksgiving cards! We also made playdoh pizza, watched old school Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and played in the snow. Goodness. I had such a fabulous day with them!

As I am making all my Christmas gifts, it is so hard not to post the fun pictures of them. My family is probably the only ones who read my blog at this point, so posting the pictures would definitely spoil the surprise. Therefore, I have an idea.

In an effort to write about something else other than my Christmas presents, I would love for my readers to offer topics for me to write about. The topics can be in the form of questions or simply "dinosaurs." It is all up to you and I'm excited to see what's in store. For now, I'm going to get back to my Christmas crafts.....

{PLEASE stop me from talking about these!}

More about snow

2010-11-22T22:23:00.000-08:00

Today was a snow day. I have never had a snow day in my life, so I felt like a little kid getting a snow day off school!!

Except for the fact that I still went in to work for a few hours... Class was still canceled and that was aaaaaawesome.

The rest of the day I spent doing this:

Finishing up a Christmas gift on the floor. Heater blaring. Netflix watching. Back now hurting.

I spent about 5 hours or more on this floor today and cannot wait to give this gift! It is just about finished and I am so thankful for some time off to finish it.

This was my dinner. A chicken chile verde burrito thanks to Trader Joe's along with some Trader Joe's happy face wine. Mmm Mmm.

Tomorrow is another snow day {partially at least...I am going to babysit all day for a family whose children have school off} and Wednesday is a day off too! I have so much time to finish up projects. Up until Christmas, I don't think you will stop hearing about how excited I am about my gifts. You can handle it.

Oh and by the way, my backyard currently looks like this:

This is a bad picture because I took it through my upstairs bedroom window at night. {Did you think I would sacrifice my semi-warmth for a picture?} Anyway, everything is covered by 3 - 5 inches of snow. Yayyy for Washington!

Snow

2010-11-21T23:13:00.000-08:00

Today it snowed in Seattle.

Here are two pictures from the debacle.

(poor quality from my phone and then via facebook...)

How is there this much snow in November? One inch on my car. I have never driven or lived in snow. LUCKILY, there was no snow on the ground up in Seattle. These pictures were taken down in Auburn where Kevin lives.

I also had a near death experience with what I believe was black ice. Long story short: my car was perpendicular to the road in a tunnel on a freeway off-ramp. Terrifying describes it in one world. Thank God - literally - that there were no cars immediately behind me. The fun has just begun! I'm excited {attempting to be} for this new adventure.

I finished 2 of my Christmas handmade gifts this weekend! I set myself due dates for the rest of them. I cannot wait to post picture of them after Christmas. I am so excited to give them to my family!!

By the way, does anyone have any good ideas for a name for an Etsy shop? I want to get my shop going and the only thing holding me back is a name...

Christmas Crafts

2010-11-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

I have been so into crafting lately that people have begun to laugh at me. I made a decision to finally pursue all of my crafting ideas and I am completely loving it! I am in the works of designing my own Etsy shop {ETA: ??} Selling my cards is one of my life goals and I cannot wait to make that come true.

My roommate asked me yesterday if I ever just have a day off where I lounge around. After asking that question, she immediately added -- not including days you are sick. I just laughed and realized I don't really ever stop moving. I LOVE days off because I can finally get so many things done. Getting things done is relaxing because then I can stop repeating my TO DO list in my head!

I also helped a girl I babysit for organize her house yesterday. I spent 3 hours reorganizing her pantry, living room closet, bathroom, and partly her 1-year-old's dresser/room. She told me she would buy ANYTHING I thought would be helpful to organize her house. (Even a label maker!!) It was a dream come true. I LOVE to organize and I had a blast coming up with ideas for her house. Future job option? I think so!! {It also helps that she gets so excited about my ideas and makes me feel like a million bucks!} It was such a success.

I am also in the process of creating 2 Christmas crafts. The first is a kid-friendly advent calendar that I am going to send home to JJ and Luke (niece and nephew) for when they are at Grandma's house. Here is the tutorial where I got the idea. You include treats and a little Christmas-y activity for the day.

The next project is a smaller Christmas version of this wonderful book page art that I have been dying to find a reason to make.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Jones Design Company blog {the place I got this idea}. It is definitely one of my top 3 blogs I look forward to reading every day! Check out her ideas: they are magnificent.

I also just bought some felt and pretty fabrics to make all sorts of fabric flower items. I really need to open up shop on Etsy. That will have to wait until after Christmas. I absolutely, completely, totally, entirely cannot wait to give my family their Christmas gifts.

Snail Mail

2010-11-18T13:28:00.001-08:00

White Border 5x7 folded card

Unique party invitations and announcements by Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

I just made this card to send to my almost 2 and half year old niece. I am so excited for her to receive this! Shutterfly has SO many options for cards, photo books, and another hundred holiday photo gift ideas. I've learned that personal photo gifts are some of people's favorite items, so hop on over and get some!

Bus Patrol

2010-11-16T19:58:00.000-08:00

The bus has become an integral part of my life. Not only does the bus drive me from point A to point B, it also defines the mood of my morning and/or evening. {I realize I am giving the bus too much power, but let's choose to see beyond this glaring fault...}

You see, my classes are scheduled to end at 6:50 PM. Not so conveniently, the last bus that goes straight to Magnolia (my home) is scheduled to leave at 6:52 PM. You can imagine my excitement when A: I get out of class early, B: the bus arrives late, or C: I leave class early to catch the bus. Today was the B option and I did a jump, cheer, and fist pump (literally) on campus because I was so stoked that I was going to make the bus. Here begins the story of my love affair with the bus.

Today on my {conveniently 7 minutes late} bus we had the regulars: old guy who uses a head lamp to read his book, orange haired dude, guy with glasses who gets off at my stop. You get the picture.

However, there was one strikingly obviously newbie. Who was she? And {more importantly} who does she think she is taking up an ENTIRE seat with her purse? (NOT even a big purse might I add.) I walked by and looked right at her then to the seat with the purse then back at her--likely looking annoyed. Who does she think she is? Too good to sit next to other fellow route 31 bus riders? Important enough to have TWO seats to herself, which left me with 3/4 of a seat next to a dude who just had to use so much room for himself.

I walked to my seat feeling disgruntled by this girl impostor who took up too many seats. I kept replaying all the things she was probably saying to herself in her head while she stole an extra seat. And then it struck me..

Who did I think I was? Who ever named me the Bus Patrol? How in the world did I manage to make the bus a competition? {Oh, and don't you worry...I have my bus pass conveniently placed in my Vera Bradley key chain wallet so that I don't even have to lift a finger pulling the pass in and out of my wallet. Look at me saving time! You have to get your bus pass in and out? HA!}

Seriously though, is that what my life has come to? "Winning" at my own made up bus war? It's a sad state of affairs over here. Time to reevaluate my priorities.

To the bus girl, I apologize for the glare. You can take as many seats as you please! Well, as long as you don't leave me next to old guy with the head lamp...I'm not ready for him yet.

Favorite Coupon Sites

2010-11-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

Now that I am "out on my own" I love getting discounts whenever I can. I thought it would be fun to share a few of my discount secrets {or maybe not so secretive...}

Two sites I check everyday are Woot! and Target Daily Deals.

Woot often has electronics and all sorts of things you might you need. Target deals are usually pretty great and come with free shipping! {Plus with Christmas coming up they have many more Daily Deals than usual!}

Woot has a few sister sites like Sellout Woot and Kids Woot, which have wonderful deals as well.

I am also signed up for both Seattle and Phoenix Groupon. Groupon sends daily coupons via email to certain places around your area. Kevin and I have purchased 3 Seattle Groupons! These deals are often FABULOUS such as you pay $10 for $25 worth of food at Crepe Cafe. I definitely recommend that you sign up for your town if you haven't already!

Another way to get coupons is to sign up to be on the newsletter for your favorite stores. For instance, Joann's and Michael's send emails with special coupons for email "members."

I am also signed up for the Southwest Airlines newsletter so I can make sure to catch the flight deals with they are available. Email lists can get cumbersome and somewhat annoying, but they can be worth it!

Two other sites that might come in handy are Steep and Cheap {which has a wide variety of outdoor gear for SUPER cheap} and Whiskey Militia {which has a variety of snow, ski, skate, etc gear for super cheap}. Both of these sites have deals that last about 20 - 30 minutes each and if you catch it at the right time you can find just what you were looking for!

My final tip to find items for cheaper is to search for them on Google Shopping. You can search for the item you are looking for and Google searches all over the internet. This way you can find where the item is selling for the cheapest price. It's quite exciting!

Let me know if you are ever looking for a place to find deals! I have many more ideas to getting the best deal.

Burlap Wreath

2010-11-13T08:19:00.000-08:00

My extra time last night also allowed me some time to finish my fall wreath! Last weekend during the UW vs Oregon football game I sewed the ruffles and pinned them

to the styrofoam wreath. This is what I began with last night:

Sewing kit from IKEA {with added pins}

Hot glue gun

Autumn pick from Michael's

Yellow and Brown fabric

Ruffle Wreath

I had only secured the ruffles with pins, so I added hot glue under all the edges for support. The ruffles were a bit flappy before this point, so this is a must if you do this project.

Then I created my fabric flower. I used half of a fat quarter. I twisted and turned and bunched. Then I turned over the flower and basically put hot glue all over to secure.

I was too focussed on not messing up the formation of the details, so I only got a finished picture.

Apart from the two fabric flowers {notice the tiny yellow one under there}, I cut the leaves and such from the autumn pick.

I'm so excited about the finished product! I typically find something I don't like about each project I make, but I'm determined to like this one. It hangs at the center of my curtain rod in my bedroom. I already have ideas for some Christmas home decor projects, so check back soon!

Extra time

2010-11-12T15:55:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe that I have already entered this stage of my life. The stage I am talking about is where getting out of work an hour and a half early on Friday is one of the best gifts someone can give to me!

That hour and a half = 4 unexpected Friends episodes or 1.5 hrs to craft or time to be able to have a beer {in order to not be cutting it too close to babysitting for that to be not a good idea}.

Today that hour and a half was cut a little short because I missed my bus stop. Who knew that the next stop was a solid 15 min walk from my already 10 min away bus stop. I also missed my bus this morning. I watched as the 31 from Central Magnolia to U Village drove right on by just 10 seconds ahead of my time.

I realized buses are not made for people like me. People who are consistently 5 minutes late. I've done surprisingly well with buses {and spent WAY too much money parking on campus}. Maybe my new years resolution will be to never miss the bus. Woooahhh that is a bit crazy.

Anyway, this post was supposed to be about extra time {not my love/hate relationship with the bus}. One Sunday when I had extra time I created a Food Inventory!

I am obsessed with organization and what a better thing to organize than your food! I created an Excel document with different little lists such as "Breakfast" or "Veggies." I keep this list updated with all of my food items so that I know how to plan for meals and so that I am efficient with my food. Soon, I will plan my meals from this list so that I know what I have and what I need.

You should try to create your own inventory! It helps me save money and ensure that I don't waste {too much} money on food.

Life in WA

2010-11-11T22:58:00.001-08:00

To be completely honest, I have been homesick about 75% of my time up here. I miss my family. How can you not miss these people?

Even though I have loved my phone chats with my dad, it is just not the same.

Cheryl (my sister-in-law) has another one on the way. I cannot wait to meet her!!

Yes... We did have matching shirts on Christmas. Don't judge us.

I might miss this face the most. {She should win toddler of the year or cutest toddler ever.} JJ and I hung out constantly when I was at home in August and now she has already grown up so much more! I cannot wait to jump no the bed again, JJ!

I have enjoyed myself here. I still love my job at the EEU working with children with special needs. They can be so challenging, but I just love them so much. It has been so fun to watch them learn to read and write and how to make friends. My classes have also continued to inspire me to all of the things I can accomplish in this field. I am excited to work with this population and really help these children get all of the things that they need to succeed in the world.

I still babysit most weekends and have a set of 4-year-old boy/girl twins that I see every other weekend. They are so fabulous and it is relaxing to babysit them. They're not comfortable with me enough where they will cuddle next to me during movies!

I have also been able to see Kevin at least 3 days a week. We try to meet in the middle when we can {which usually consists of browsing IKEA.} We have..

Gone to the ASU vs UW football game in our ASU garb. Devils won 24 to 14!!

Gone to the Zoo in Tacoma on one of the only hot days in Washington.

Gone to the Puyallup State Fair and wore banana hats.

And we have spent a lot of time watching movies and TV shows. {This was us before a little dinner and a movie}. Lately we have watched: Date Night, The Social Network, Inception, Michael Clayton, and the Planet Earth Series. All of which I highly recommend! Also, I am currently on the 9th season of Friends. I began Season 1 in August. I am just dying for Ross and Rachel to get back together. I might feel a hole in my life when I end this series...is that bad?

As you can see, life has not been terrible. I've begun to make friends at work, which I really enjoy--and I've got to spend time with Kevin's family and friends, which has also been a good time. I am learning SO much about myself and the things I want in life. I know that I am in a very important stage of life being so far away from my comfort zone, and that is what keeps me going day-to-day. (And the fact that I count down the days until AZ...35 days left!)

Handmade

2010-11-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

I have recently become obsessed with ALL things handmade. I have close to a hundred tutorials either bookmarked or cataloged in my head for future projects. Every time I read blogs (daily) I find a new idea for a christmas gift, home decor, baby present, and the list goes on and on. Between graduate school 9 hours a week, work about 40 hours a week, and a boyfriend who lives 45 min away...I don't make much time to even organize my thoughts.

However, with such little time, Kevin and I have begun to multi-task. One Sunday we both worked at his office--him on a proposal and me on a school assignment. Then this weekend we watched the football game "together" while I worked on my current craft project {to be posted later}.

One of my only completed projects was put together for my best friend who at the time was preparing to move to Texas for her first real nursing job! {She has now moved and I am SO proud of her for following her dreams!!} I thought this clock would be a nice addition to her new place. I got the tutorial from one of my favorite crafting blogs Make It and Love It.

These are my first fabric flowers that I had been dying to try to make. They turned out okay...a little too much hot glue residue, but they are SUPER easy to make. I just need a bit more practice.

I have begun to realize that my projects only come together when the deadline is a gift for someone. I have at least 5 homemade gifts lined up for Christmas, so I better get started sometime. I am about to finish a Fall wreath that I will hang up in my room and will post pictures on that soon! I also just uploaded pictures from the past few months that I will post soon as well.

Seattle is BEAUTIFUL in the fall. I am already very cold; nonetheless, the leaves all over the ground and falling from the trees are just amazing and I smile as my feet brush through them as I walk to my bus at 7 am in the dark... I am happy now, but it's supposed to snow this winter and that will be another story.

The beginning and end..

2010-11-09T20:13:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you a story about a relationship that began and ended this summer.

It was a beautiful Seattle summer day (which for you people in AZ...that means it was about 80 degrees with a slight breeze). I finally had a day off work and I planned to venture into new territory.

I dressed in my messiest clothing and it was then that I met him. He wasn't tall, dark, or handsome. But a little more rustic and old fashioned. Something about that intrigued me.

We spent a 4 solid hours together roaming around my front and back lawns -- soaking up the sun.

The beginning was a thrill. It took awhile to get him started, but once I did we were on a roll! I really felt like he was helping me accomplish a lifelong goal. He single-handedly helped me feel so proud of myself.

By the end, I was sweaty, dirty, and tired. He didn't make my job very easy. And, when things got tough, he would just shut off. Who wants that?

It was then and there that our relationship came to an abrupt stop. I decided that this was probably something that should never happen again.

Please meet Mortimer.

He is the trusty (or not so much) lawn mower that (not so helpfully) helped me master this...

{my backyard} Along with the front yard that has a beautiful (terrible) hill. We completed the job in the quick time of FOUR hours.

Mowing the lawn is a task that I just might NEVER do again.

Mortimer, our time together was short and sweet. Please never bother me again. Thanks.

Long time gone

2010-10-17T23:06:00.001-07:00

Well I haven't posted in forever. I visited AZ at the end of August and then started work and then started school and life hasn't stopped.

A little update on the hair experiment. I have determined that the weather in WA changes too much to make this experiment very consistent, but I'm still trying new things.

After I tried the creamy Garnier shampoo from the last post. I tried this (Herbal Essences - Body Envy volumizing shampoo) :

I read (somewhere) that to control oily hair it helps to use clear shampoos versus creamy because they contain less oil. I have to say that I didn't see a significant difference, but this shampoo did help my roots not sit flat (it's a volumizing shampoo), so that helps something?

Anyway, I moved on to this (Paul Mitchell - Shampoo 2):

The bottle indicated that it cleanses any build-up from hair products, which helps eliminate oil. This shampoo definitely has been phenomenal, yet it is a little pricier. What I have found that keeping this shampoo in for at least a minute before rinsing it out really helps eliminate oil. Also, I only use very little conditioner (I needed to get over the fact that it would take a little longer to comb out the tangles). My hair now lasts for longer before sitting flat and getting oily, which is nice! I use the Paul Mitchell one most of the time and the herbal essences sometimes too (to save money).

I also have some tea tree shampoo I got when I was in AZ that I will try more when these shampoos run out.

I also just bought this (TIGI Rockaholic - Dry Shampoo):

I had never heard of dry shampoos before, but they are apparently the more expensive version of baby powder for eliminating oil between shampoos. We'll see how well it works! I also have read a lot online about washing your hair less eliminates oil along with using Apple Cider Vinegar and eggs?? to wash your hair. I haven't been brave enough to try those yet, but maybe over winter break when I am not forced to go into public.

I plan to be back blogging now and have many things I'd like to share! Quick update: I love my job at the Experimental Education Unit on campus at UW. I am an aide in a kindergarten classroom and am loving every day of it! Graduate school is...school and Seattle is already getting cold!! AH! Can't wait to share all my stories from the last 2 months.

Already late..

2010-08-02T10:02:00.001-07:00

I already missed the mark on starting my experiment, which I am pretty bummed about.

After church yesterday I began intensely cleaning our kitchen and before I knew it I had to leave to babysit. I have to be at work by 7:30 Mon - Wed, so I didn't feel like staying up to blog last night either. Anyway, no one cares for the excuses, so let me lay out my experiment for ya!

The specimen: my too fine, too oily, blonde hair (I'll post a picture at some point?)

The goal: Debunk some oily hair remedy myths while discovering which works best for me!

Procedure: I will try a new remedy each week starting Tuesday August 3

Dependent Variable: I will (to the best of my subjective ability) keep a log of when my hair begins to feel heavier, oily, and so on. This is obviously (and painfully) subjective, but this experiment is mostly for my own sanity because of how much my hair drives me crazy.

Controls:
- Wash hair every other day (I am too lazy to stray from my lifestyle)
- Amount of Shampoo/Remedy = 2 silver dollars worth
- Amount of Scrubbing (scrubbing too much stimulates hair follicles which creates more oil!) = about 30 seconds
- Time w/ shampoo in hair (leaving shampoo in for longer supposedly destroys more build-up) = about a minute
- Amount + placement of Conditioner (I will use the same conditioner throughout..posted below) = 1 silver dollar worth on bottom 2 - 3 inches of hair
- Time between shower and blow dry = about 10 - 15 minutes - Blow dry with round brush + straighten every other day
- Use silver dollar size of these 2 products:

The first is Schwarzkopf BC Bonacure Repair Rescue Sealed Ends, which is self explanatory. I put it on my ends!

The other is Catwalk Fashionista Smooth & Shine, which is supposed to protect my hair against the heat of the blow dryer and straightener. I use it all over but try not to get any on my roots.

Other details: I will keep track of the weather conditions because that will greatly affect my hair. This is obviously something I can't control (Seattle looks to be very cloudy this week, but we'll still go for it)

You may already be bored and be thinking...why do we care about this? You don't have to care. This is more to document for my own sake and anyone who thinks this may be fun. I don't mind if this category only includes my parents (and Kevin for sympathy sake).

I am going to establish a baseline (figure out how quickly my hair becomes oily with a typical shampoo) with my current shampoo (along with conditioner) which is this:

Garnier Fructis Fortifying Shampoo & Conditioner for Color-treated or Permed Hair (Yeah...I used to think my hair needed moisture. What a mistake).

If you are even still reading, I will begin this tomorrow and post next Monday on the results of the first week. Let me know if you can think of anything else I may need to control! I realize that this is silly (and crazy nerdy), but humor me as I put my countless hours of learning the scientific method to practical use. (even though I know this experiment would make my thesis adviser screech...)

An Oily Experiment

2010-07-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

Upon my arrival to Washington a month ago (where does time go?), I began to realize that my hair got oiler much quicker than it had in the arid desert we like to call Arizona. I have been discussing and researching oily hair remedies for the past week or so and I've come to one conclusion. Talking about oily hair makes people as uneasy as discussing a much needed leg hair shave. The internet has provided far from convincing evidence.

I am the wash your hair every other day kind of gal. With a mixture of busyness + laziness, the pony tail has become a staple hairstyle for day 2 because my hair is just too dang oily. I also have leaned on the much needed support of the blonde's best friend...

I am also the kind of gal who knows little about hair products and chooses from what is inexpensive (okay, let's call it cheap) and sounds like it would be good for my hair. (However, today I realized I was using shampoo for color-treated hair...when I haven't colored my hair in almost 2 years...)

Anyway, after the purchase of 2 different kinds of shampoo that seemed promising for combatting my oily hair, I decided to put on my own scientific experiment!

So here we have it: For the next some odd weeks, I am going to do a case study on oily hair remedies. Each week I am going to try a new product and/or remedy that was suggested by the internet, friends, or simply what looked promising. I will blog about this once a week to detail my opinion on each product. This will begin Sunday August 1.

Until then, I am going to research different remedies, decide on my controls (you must have control variables in order to have convincing results), and lay out my experimental procedure! Each week I will use the same product all week and collect data on how soon my hair feels oily...or something like that. This obviously isn't the best scientific experiment because n=1, but I am going to attempt to keep good controls and an unbiased opinion.

Please, come back soon to see what I find!

A Nanny for YOU

2010-07-27T14:51:00.001-07:00

Well after complaining and worrying about having no work, I was swamped with 60 HOURS last week! I worked with 7 different families. Yeah..holy moly is right. Only one of the families are a consistent weekly family. They have a new born baby boy who was born 9 weeks premature. He is full term this week and growing so well! (Note to self: don't have children for a long time. they cry too much).

I have been fully enjoying Seattle despite working so much! Two weekends ago Kevin and I joined some friends in Winthrop, WA for a hike. And let me tell you...it was quite the hike. I did not plan on hiking 7.5 mi with over a mile in SNOW. After the initial frustration (from me mostly...or only), we began sliding down the snow hills on our feet or bottoms and enjoying whatever we (I) could.

My roommates and I have weekly dinner and Bachelorette watching. This week Emily and I made a mass amount of nachos! Also this past weekend Kevin and I went down to Tacoma to go to the Point Defiance Zoo and Engine House No. 9 Brewery. The weather was nearly perfect (it was hot..I like a little chill) and we enjoyed delicious burgers. (I think Kevin actually had a chicken something, but I'll pretend we both had burgers).

Other than that, I have basically been working a ton! I also bought my textbooks online today. For anyone who knows me really well (I like to keep this secret close), I LOVE school. I love registering for classes, buying my textbooks, cramming for tests. The secret is out: I LOVE it. It's kind of a sick joke that this is what I love because some days I'm not sure if it will be the death of me, but whatever.

Well this post got long quickly. With the money from my over-worked last week, I bought a few treasures online so that I can create some new scrapbook and baking creations! Come back later this week and see what I've done (or just begun...).

For your viewing pleasure: here is my wonderful, loyal, loving father...who I miss way too much...in his new Husky Dad shirt! Hooray!

Actually posting a creation!

2010-07-15T14:32:00.000-07:00

Kevin and I were on our move up to Washington during Father's Day, but I told myself I would not forget to honor my dad with a card and gift.

We never (at least I never) tell our (my) parents enough how much they mean to us and how thankful we are for everything they've done for us. The older I get, the more I realize the amazing things my dad has taught me and given me. One thing I treasure (as does my self-esteem) is the fact that my dad would always remind me that I was beautiful. Through conversations with many YL girls, I realized this was not a common thing that dads tell their daughters. My dad never made comments like, "are you really going to eat that?" or anything demeaning. (Yes, some of my YL girls' dads have said things like this to them...it's crazy.) Anyway, I love my dad and he is pretty great.

For some reason the cards I make my dad every year seem to be my most creative cards. Here is my latest creation! Don't worry, I did write a nice note in it as well.

I also sent him a UW Dad shirt that I hope he wears even though it's purple. I made 3 other cards as well, but forgot to take pictures of them before I sealed them in envelopes. I'm going to attempt to make a paper bag mini scrapbook soon! I'm very excited.

I also bought these today:

I am SO SO excited about them. They are orange and fantastic and I don't care if I'm joining the Toms trend because they are SO comfy. Kevin and I made some SUPER tasty grilled pineapple and chicken quesadillas the other night and I am now obsessed with the Pioneer Woman! Then last night we baked chocolate chip cookies AND I am going to make banana bread as soon as my bananas get over ripened. Hooray for summer free time, which allows me time to cook and bake! Okay this is way too long (with too many links) and I have to go get ready for yet another nanny interview!

Some goodies

2010-07-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

I realized I wonderfully failed at creating something every week and posting about it. I have made a few fun things that I'd like to share! Here are some pictures:

The first 2 are a bit blurry because they were taken on my phone. I made them over Halloween last year (obviously).

The brooms are shortbread cookies with pretzel rods and melted chocolate. They were SO tasty. The ghosts are brownies topped with jumbo marshmallows and vanilla frosting.

This is the first cake I decorated back in March for my Wilton Cake Decorating class! I can't believe I didn't take pictures of the Easter cupcakes and rose cake. I need to be better about getting pictures of my creations!

Kevin is obviously not 40, but we (more like I) joke that he has the tastes of a 35 - 40 yr old man. This cake was layered and had a delicious whipped cream / pudding mix in the middle!

Two posts in one day. Hooray! I don't have work today so I'm going to make some cards and cannot wait to be creative. Kevin wants to help me make a scrapbook table/desk and I am super super excited about this!!!

Finding my place

2010-07-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

So my last blog about things I don't like in Seattle was really an outlet for what a hard time I was/am actually having.

To put it out on the table, Kevin and I had been arguing since we got here. Yes.. that totals about 3 weeks. The problem was that we were never arguing about anything real. Whether it was the frustration of the fact that it takes me over an hour to get to his house in traffic or the fact that I wasn't getting enough nanny jobs...it was wearing on me (and him by proxy). I planned the whole baseball game because I really wanted a day/night for Kevin and I just to be together and move on from the funk we were in. Sure enough, the day I had imagined sort of failed in a frustrating mess.

As I was showering for the night I (in all honestly) no longer wanted to attend, something Kevin had mentioned earlier when describing what was going on with us really struck me. We were no longer on the same team. Instead of us against the world it was us against each other. I learned what I feel like is a vital relationship lesson: apologize, forgive, and move on. We were allowing ourselves to stay stuck in this junk and let it keep creeping into every time we spent together. We promised to put that all behind us and thoroughly enjoyed an amazing night together at the Mariner's game. It might have helped that the Mariners beat the Yankees with an amazing grand slam, I got my pyramid Hef inside the ballpark, and we had a huge sugary delicious elephants ear!

For the record (and Kevin's reputation), we can usually (or always) blame all arguments on me. I'm definitely a fighter....which isn't something I am particularly proud of, but I will own up to nonetheless. The past few days have been fabulous and I am beginning to feel like Seattle is home.

Even though I still hate driving on the hills and can barely stand how much I miss my family, I am loving my life in Seattle.

A little getting used to.

2010-07-09T16:39:00.000-07:00

Here are pictures of a few things I do NOT like about Seattle:

1. HILLS. I have to park on one and it honestly makes me a sick...

2. There are rarely bike lanes and the lanes are pretty narrow. It's not terrible, just new for me!

3. Parallel parking. I knocked off my passenger side hubcap because I hit the curb so much. Better yet...I have to parallel park on this steep hill next to my house. It's a nightmare!!

However... who can't love driving north on I-5 into this beautiful city.

Just a small update for now. I am learning to drive better in Seattle--which means slower, more aggressive, more attentive, and more patient. Tomorrow, Kevin and I are going to the Mariners v. Yankees game and then to dinner at the Pyramid Alehouse (pyramid makes my FAVORITE beer - the Haywire Hefeweizen). I am very excited that the weather has heated up and the sun stays up until 10 pm! Soon I'll post some pictures of my great house and finally complete room! Miss you all back in AZ.

Long time update!

2010-06-30T12:10:00.001-07:00

Holy moly, it has been SO long. Life got very out of hand my last semester at ASU. I was busier than expected and committed to spending all my free time with the people I love: my family, Kevin, and Young Life girls. I'd like to consider myself pretty successful on that front.

Anyway, I am now in SEATTLE. Kevin moved back in with his parents in Auburn (45 min south of me without traffic...which never actually occurs). I moved into a wonderful house that was originally built in 1902! It is so fabulous and my new blog background was actually chosen because it reminds me of my house. I will post pictures of that at some point.

We went to Malibu Club in BC Canada for YL camp this year. I absolutely fell in love with a group of girls who will be juniors this year at Arcadia. Here is a picture of the beautiful girls that I miss so much!

My heart was so broken throughout camp knowing that I would have to leave them. I'm going to try my absolute best to stay in contact with them & to love them from 1500 miles away. I so wish I could take them with me up here and play with them everyday. We had SO much fun and talked about such amazing things. I know that God is working in their lives and it was so fun to watch God do His thing.

Kevin & my drive up here was pretty interesting/fun/boring/loooooong. I drove my car behind him driving the Uhaul with his car in tow behind! We have quite a few stories of the 1500 mile adventure, but that is for another day. Here is my favorite two pictures from our trip!

The first is by Haystack Rock in Cannon Beach, OR. Apparently this rock was featured in the movie Goonies (which I have to admit that I haven't even seen it..)

The second is at a strawberry field about 20 minutes east of Portland. Kevin is completely obsessed with strawberries, so stopping to pick them was such a blast. We ended with 5.5 lbs and they were the sweetest, most delicious strawberries I've EVER had in my life!

I am working for an agency called A Nanny for U. So far I do not have a ton of work, which is really discouraging. However, I am trying to relish in this free time that I have wanted so so badly for the past year.

I'm already learning so much from the week I have been up here in Seattle, which is also for another blog. I just had to get one blog started so that I could break the awkward 4 month hiatus. Be back soon!

Even my hair and skin want out..

2010-02-15T15:16:00.000-08:00

So maybe this is too much wishful thinking, but I have to think that other places (Seattle, Nashville, or Oregon) aren't this dry. My skin and hair have been SCREAMING at me for some moisture. I promise if you get close enough you can hear them too. I'm definitely biting at the bit to get out of Arizona.

(Small side note: I've been using weird cliches lately like "biting at the bit" or "toot my own horn." If you hear me use one, please just smile and bear with me. I'm too tired to think of my own creative words)

I always tell myself I'm going to make some time to be creative, but sooner than I know it it's Monday again and then all of a sudden Saturday aaaaand it never ends. SO I've decided to set myself a little goal so that I can have some mandatory down time. I am going to create something each week. I've gotten really into baking fun treats or dinners and also love to make scrapbook creations or cards or what have you. Every week I am going to do one of these things, take a picture, and share it on my blog. I feel that if I put this in writing I will be much more likely to follow through. (I have much difficulty following through without deadlines or goals to meet.)

Off to study how much checking action Brad has at 40% lung vital capacity....big test in physiological & anatomical basis of speech tomorrow. The name of the class itself is a doozy...great.

Fun Updates!

2010-02-12T00:40:00.000-08:00

I have written 3 graduate school application essays, 1 school assignment and revised a large portion of my 35 page thesis in the past 3 days.

Exciting news though! Graduate school applications are FINISHED! (...apart from putting these ugly, manila envelopes on the express lane to Oregon tomorrow). Since it is now past 1:30 am, I have meticulously checked to make sure all my essays to Oregon say "University of Oregon" and "Early Intervention Special Education program" approximately 5 times per essay. I even opened an envelope I had already sealed because I was certain something was typed in correctly. This is getting pathetically obsessive.

I had a phone interview with a lady from Vanderbilt today! She sounded like my admission was very promising, but I find out for sure within the next week. She asked all about my honors thesis and was "very impressed that an undergraduate knew that much about research." (finally my thesis paid off for something useful!) That phone call was some much needed encouragement on the thesis front. Part of me still hopes the acceptance doesn't come through because I don't want to have to choose where I go next year. I want it to chose me and that's it.

Anyway, I still have a good 45 minutes of thesis revision so that I can submit it before I sleep. Then off to work at 8 am! I think I will sleep the entire weekend. Valentine's day, I'm sorry I will sleep through you, but you'd rather have me sleep than deal with an overly tired, Lauren.

Hmm..

2010-02-10T18:11:00.001-08:00

Some days I wish I could put my foot down and say "no no no" and not have to do anything I didn't want to do just like my 18 month old niece.

I am having one of those weeks where I just want to say no thanks.

No thanks to the 5 papers I have due Thurs and Friday. You can write yourselves. I want nothing to do with you.

Life is changing

2010-02-04T11:47:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned before, a LOT LOT LOT has been going on in my life. I have been very confused about what God has been trying to show me as I have felt like I keep failing at many aspects of my life. From the little things to the bigger things, it feels like most things lately have turned in a negative direction. (I realize a lot of this is an attitude issue, but that is in repair as well...)

Anyway, I finally came to a conclusion on what was going on. As I was driving to bible study last night, I was preparing to share with the girls about what has been going on in my life and what God has been teaching me. I deliberately chose this week so I could finally come to some conclusion about all the confusion. Up until my drive there, I still had no idea. Then as I finally sat in silence waiting to hear any sort of direction, I began to think of the lessons God had asked me to learn in the past. There have been many difficult seasons in my life. Whether it was feeling lonely from friends or family issues, once I finally stopped to listen, God was always asking, "when ________ (friends/family/guys/) fails you, will you still believe in me?" It has been a battle, but the answer has continued to be "yes" or more like "okay fine." Last night I finally realized that God was asking "If and when you fail yourself, will you still believe in me? Will you finally realize your absolute need for me?" Wow. I've never had such a humbling experience.

I am still {obviously} processing all of what this means, but I finally feel at peace now that I have made sense of all the confusion and frustration. Just another step in the healing process that is continuous once you choose to follow Christ. How amazing that He would choose to relentlessly pursue me even when I kept pushing away. Hmm. Pushing away has been a common theme in my life and I think I'm finally being forced to look it in the face, which always brings some much needed changes in who I am. Gosh I am excited for those changes.

On a good note...I got an acceptance to an Early Childhood Special Education graduate program!

There is a high possibility I will be a UW Husky next year! I am so exited about all the opportunities this acceptance opens up. I can honestly say that getting into UW is a dream come true and I cannot wait to see what happens next. I'm waiting on funding options and to see if I get any other acceptances. Part of me hopes I do have options, but other parts of me hope that the UW acceptance continues to get better and better because I would love to have Seattle as my next home. We will see! Now back to writing an application essay for travel funds to go to Baltimore for that infant studies conference...oh joy!

...4 months later.

2010-01-28T15:44:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that it has been 4 months. Last semester was the craziest, busy time of my life. I live to tell about it. Here is what I have been up to:

- Thesis defense (still need to finish actual document)
- Took GRE
- Took Pre-Professional blah blah blah Exam (PRAXIS test)
- Applied to 3 out of 5 graduate programs (Vanderbilt, U of Washington, U of Texas- Austin, U of Oregon, and Portland State)
- Spent after Christmas in Seattle
- Accepted to an International Infant Studies Conference to present my thesis in poster form
- Turned 22
- Learning to bake and cook - accumulated several cookbooks!
- Lots of work: good days, bad days, huge accomplishments
- Back into Young Life: full force toward summer camp at Malibu Club in Canada!
- Trying to figure out what God has to teach me in the mess of things
- Continuing to fall in love with a guy who I don't deserve

That last part has been the best {obviously}. Kevin has seen me on my worst, don't come within a mile of me, stressful, never-ending days and somehow continues to enjoy being around me. I have continued to rely on the Lord as I don't know how I would get through the days otherwise. To say that life has been a tough would be a bit of an understatement for me. The end is in sight.

Graduation is 116 days away; therefore moving out of Arizona is less than 200 days away. I'm anxiously awaiting responses from graduate programs. I check each school's website multiple times a day to see if any possible change has taken place in my admission status. Yes, the site tells me it'll be 5 weeks every day, but I keep checking. I'm very excited for whatever my future holds in whatever place I end up! Anyway, had to get this little catch up out of the way because I have a lot on my mind of things I want to write about. But for now, I have to code birth records...

my story

2009-09-28T08:53:00.001-07:00

So for the Young Life banquet, we (leaders) were asked to share our story to be printed on some bookmarks to give out as a party favor. Ha. As I was thinking about it, I wanted to share here as well.

I went through high school thinking that God was a far off being who needed me to be perfect. I tried my best at being a good person yet relentlessly failed. I knew God didn't want any part in that. I ended high school with several broken relationships with guys, my father, and myself. As college began, I once again had found another guy to put all my value in. This guy, who also searched for life in all the wrong things, invited me to Young Life at ASU. I hadn't heard much about YL but was excited that this must be a "good" guy, so I went. It turned out that he was just another guy who had no idea what to do with my heart and I was left alone. Again. Something, however, kept pulling me back to Young Life. One night we were directed to confess all our junk to God. I sat there thinking through all my brokenness and telling God about my darkest places. He was still there? He still wanted me? This made no sense. All I knew was that leading life alone lead to nothing but hurt. He had to have some idea how to do it, so even though I had no idea what it meant, I asked Him to lead my life. I didn't know then that this would lead to healing I thought was never possible and the transformation of my heart that I thought was endlessly broken. Three years later, I am still very much a work in progress, but I have gotten the chance to share the hurt and struggles of life along with God's grace and healing with high school students who are much in need of grace. What better example of the broken than a high school campus. God has a heart to reach, touch, and heal the broken. He is at work in doing just that on the Arcadia High School campus.

Places to consume food:

2009-09-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

Lately I've really wanted to begin a list of restaurants I want to go to. Some I have been to before that I love and some are new ones to try. Any suggestions?

- Bamboo Club
- Oreganos
- North
- Olive & Ivy
- Los Olivos
- Islands
- Macaroni Grill
- Texas Roadhouse
- Chicago Hamburger Company
- Bloom

I'm now drawing a blank of the places I've wanted to go.

And no, this is not a hint to my wonderful boyfriend. I promise. I think I just happen to be really hungry while sitting in Noble Library and my PB & J just isn't cutting it today. I'll have to move on to my baby carrots.

Today.

2009-09-16T00:08:00.000-07:00

This was my day:

- Running late for school
- Sweating from biking so quickly
- Dropping highlighter on my white shirt
- Dripping apple juice on my white shirt
- Sitting through a useless stats lesson
- Getting bike dirt/grease on my white shirt
- Getting cupcake batter/frosting on my white shirt
- Trying to teach a spoiled boy to share

- Delicious In & Out Burger
- Short nap on the most comfortable chest
- Good history movie (Valkyrie)
- Finally feeling at rest and that things are going to not just be okay, but amazing

School is picking up, but I made a promise that the stress was not going to run my life or ruin my relationships. Progress so far = better than last spring! I'm getting there! God is good and He's working on some much needed healing.

Can't wait for my full body massage and day at the Biltmore pool with the girls this weekend!!

Leadership.

2009-08-26T23:32:00.000-07:00

I've been a Young Life leader for about 28 months now. I started off with my current group of girls at the end of their freshman year (end of my freshman year of college). We've shared so many memories together. We've prayed, cried, laughed endlessly, grieved, vented, sang. I cherish those girls so much. I'm so committed to showing them Christ and showing them how much He loves them just for who they are and how He is fully capable and filly willing to heal their brokenness.

After almost 2.5 years, I've come to a point where I feel like I don't know what else I have to give them. I sat with a girl tonight and we chatted about life. I love that my girls now feel comfortable telling me absolutely anything. That is a good place to be. But I feel at such a loss for what direction to take them. A handful of my close girls know Jesus and believe, but I don't know how to teach them to follow Jesus and walk in His light.

I felt at such a loss for words tonight and that has been a common occurrence lately. Maybe that is a good thing because sometimes I have too much opinion to spout off to them. I just see them thinking and feeling all the same crappy things I did in high school and I want them to see the light. To see that they are made for more than that crap. There is so much more than the junk girls tell themselves/believe about themselves in high school.

There has to be learning in here for me somewhere. I want to learn to be a leader.

school.

2009-08-24T23:31:00.000-07:00

School starts tomorrow. I always knew I liked school but am beginning to realize actually how much. Kevin told me I could no longer make fun of him for being a nerd. I was so excited about my new student planned that I started filling it out at 9 pm on a Saturday night. I like school. I like to get new pens, pack my backpack, find my classroom, take some notes. I love all of it, deal with it.

I even got excited when the hairdresser next to me was talking about how she was going to take one class a semester at the community college. Just find something she is interested in and take a class. I never thought of that, but thought it was an excellent plan. I can always go to school even after I get a degree and a job!

Beware: excitement only lasts until first assignment is due.

OH! Best part of my day. I was working with one of my boys today. I came out of the bathroom to find him crawling on the ground, meowing, and playfully pawing a ball of yarn. He proceeded to lay under the coffee table and curl up next to his yarn. When I asked him to get up to go onto our next job, he handed me the yarn and said "Lauren's cat yarn!" Not only is he continually making my day, but he is also learning to do imaginary play!!

I'm so excited to use my new trunk bike rack tomorrow. I'm pretty nervous that I'll drop my bike on my head. Kevin and I did a test run tonight...it wasn't too terrible. Wish me luck. Okay I'm totally rambling. I'll admit it. I'm excited for school!

please please please don't pass me by

2009-08-19T17:43:00.001-07:00

Songs always inspire blog posts....which I now realize is extremely cliche', but whatever.

This semester coming up is going to probably be the toughest of my life academically. I'm usually a huge stressball, but am deciding to take a stand (against myself?). I'm a proponent of list making, okay almost obsessive about list making and planning. I've decided to take one day at a time and not let any day pass me by without enjoying all the small blessings.

The blessing of today = rolling on the ground laughing with one of my kiddos. There's nothing like rolling around, giggling with a little kid. He loves when I poke different parts of his face and make a specific noise with each facial feature (ie; "meep" is his nose). Heaven forbid I forget the sound of one part--he keeps poking it until I come up with the correct sound. Then we both proceed to laugh endlessly. It's the best part of my day every time.

Bests.

2009-08-12T12:42:00.000-07:00

I took a trip up to Vancouver to visit my best friend. She got this amazing opportunity to do research at the University of British Columbia. She's one of those people that gets real cool opportunities often just because of who she is and her daring heart to follow her dreams. It's inspiring. I loved Vancouver and welcomed the clouds and rain, (got to wear my new rain jacket) but the best part was spending time with my best. We talked nonstop for nearly 48 hours. Parents, school, friends, love, high school memories, past relationships, future goals, God, and then repeat. We talked about things in circles.

It's unbelievable the conclusions you come to when you finally speak thoughts out loud. Things either sound ludicrous as soon as they leave your lips or emotions cement in your mind as you realize that is how you truly feel. It's nice to have someone who you can debate things with and disagree but move on to talk to the next thing. Good conversation is a freeing feeling.

It was interesting to talk about the fact that this time last year I was beginning school in Australia. We talked a lot about all we've learned and gone through within this past year. I realized that a wall has been let down in the past few months that I never let anyone access before.

I love that God set me up in the right place and time to be able to trust and show who I really am so that He can start healing and transforming me. I've been vulnerable, hurt, confused, angry, and impatient. But God works through all of that. I pushed and pulled and kept rebuilding the walls. But when I was finally with someone who was safe, God didn't allow me much time to rebuild because it was all out on the table and I knew that I was going to be okay.

Over the weekend with my best, I realized this year has been a year of change. Many changes. Most of them weren't welcomed. I put up a fight. But now that I've come full circle and a year has passed. I happily welcome the person I've become today.

Small things

2009-08-04T01:12:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest lessons I've learned through working with kids with special needs is taking full joy in all the small things. This lesson has now fed into other aspects of my life and I'm learning to be much more thankful and happy with the little things people say or do. I realize I never share the really special moments I have with my kiddos. Here are a few that have made my summer very special:

- I received the first genuine, arms-wrapped-around-you, hug one of my kiddos had ever given.
- Endless giggles from playing peek-a-boo with an aggressive, virtually non-verbal boy
- After Sunday school with one kiddo, he threw a penny into the fountain and wished that Jesus would love him. It was so sweet.
- Hearing that one kid saw the letter G on TV (that I had been trying to get him to identify for weeks) and he said "That's a G! Like Lauren's G!"
- Having one of my kiddos stand at the window of my car smiling at me until I got out or turning over from a nap and hopping right out of bed because he was so excited to play with me.

There's nothing like a kid realizing that he's safe with you. When he reaches for your hand before crossing the street (something you've tried to teach him for months) or has a huge grin on his face while reciting his address (that he has finally memorized). I have some really hard days working with this population of kids. There are times when it shook my entire faith because I didn't understand why kids are allowed to go through struggles like they are in. I never expected to learn more about myself than I am actually teaching my kiddos. When I stop and think about the smile each kid has on his face when he completes a task that has been slow going, all the frustrating days become more than worth it.

Standing outside the fire

2009-07-10T12:49:00.001-07:00

I've been listening to a lot of Garth Brooks lately--hence the title. Garth Brooks makes me reminisce about siting next to my dad as he drove our '89 Silverado. He'd always sing along to the country music as we bumped along and I always found a way to fall asleep on his shoulder no matter how long the trip was. It's something I haven't thought about in a very long time. That is a very special memory that I'm glad I get to have with my dad. I hope he remembers those times too.

Apart from the childhood sentiment, Garth Brooks has also brought some inspiration lately. I'm very big about song lyrics. That's why I'm not in love with rap or the popular hip/hop stuff. I love to listen to lyrics that inspire me. These are the lyrics that got me thinking: Life is not tried, it's nearly survived. If you're standing outside the fire.

I would never call myself a big risk taker. But I'm beginning to think that I am in certain aspects of my life. I mean, I went to Australia for 5 months and didn't know anyone. While I was there I went skydiving, scuba diving, and explored the country via bus and plane completely alone. I'd like to consider that risky. I'm also an emotional risk taker....which sounds stupid. I'm usually the one willing to forgive or try things again or give more of my heart or put myself out there to friends. My mom has always told me I don't put up enough of a guard, which may or may not be true sometimes. It is definitely something I've learned over the past year or so. But I've always believed that there's no reason to hold yourself back in any sort of friendship or relationship. There's no use in that. I know that leaves me much more vulnerable to getting hurt (and that definitely happens quite a bit), but the positive outcomes are also much more worth it. Anyway, the Garth Brooks song got me thinking about taking more risks with goals I have for myself. Like graduate school or other personal adventures I've had for myself--like selling my handmade cards or learning to play guitar.

I don't want to just survive life. I'm definitely going to start pursuing more of my dreams that I typically toss aside because I've been too scared of failure. One exciting part about all of this is that I don't need to be scared of not achieving God's plans for me because Proverbs 19:21 tells me: Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. I can pursue my goals and dreams with full force because my steps are being guided and planned by a God who knows me best. So as Garth says it, I can't abide standing outside the fire.

the future

2009-07-07T09:03:00.001-07:00

So I was talking to one of my young life girl's parents last night. They are such a fun couple to interact with. We began talking about my current job and what I want to do with my future. A few months back I was confident in what I wanted to do and had my future all lined up for what I thought seemed best. I like what Jesus decides to do with that. He has brought me new thoughts, new conversations and new inspirations. Now I have absolutely no idea what my future is going to look like and I couldn't feel more excited about it.

People would always tell me that it must be nice to know what I want to do, but part of me was kind of bored with that idea. Now I'm back to only having a very small idea of where my heart is going to lead me. I love it. I want to take each day as it comes and only have small goals for the future, trusting that God will give me the best He has in store for me. God's plans are much more exciting than my own. I'm glad I am finally back to realizing that.

July!

2009-07-01T13:40:00.000-07:00

I can't get over that today is July 1st. I think I've mentioned it to everyone I've talked to for the past few days or so. June was a good month. I feel like I haven't been very productive with anything and the weeks just continue to begin and end very quickly. Every Saturday night I find myself thinking the weekend isn't long enough.

Growing up and doing real stuff is boring so far. I'm trying to find ways to feel more accomplished. I'm thinking about selling my homemade cards somehow. I think it's partly just to feel like my card designing is profitable. That would be a fun ego boost. My mom said some lady sold them in little bundles at her work. I've also found ways to sell them online. I've been looking at this site called Etsy that has a smorgasbord of adorable homemade things. I'm very inspired. It's something I've always wanted to do. I've also started reading a lot more than ever before. When I find a good book, nothing around me gets accomplished. My washed clothes sat in stacks in my room for about two weeks after camp until I finished 2 books.

I'm ready for a vacation. In August I'm going to visit Angie up in Vancouver and could not be more excited for it. I cannot wait for her to show me around the city. I absolutely cannot wait to wake up Saturday morning in Vancouver and go to whichever coffee shop Angela has deemed her favorite. A coffee shop, with my best friend, in Vancouver--sounds almost like perfection right now. After Vancouver I'm going to head down to Seattle and hang out for a week! I'm also very very excited about that. I love it up there. It's a mix between the weather, the people, and the lack of any responsibility. Those 3 things together make a phenomenal vacation. Only 5.5 weeks and then I'm there!

I'm not gonna rest

2009-06-16T00:12:00.000-07:00

That line just played in a song I'm listening to and reminded me of how I live my life. This past week I have just been passing out in the middle of the day. Other than being sick, I think it's my body telling me to take a chill pill and slow down. I fill my time with people. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I'm beginning to enjoy my own personal down time. I like to have time to wind-down and spend useless time exploring random stuff on the internet (that's my way of not admitting to too much facebook).

It's been awhile since I sat down to write/type this thing. I took my YL kids to summer camp at Frontier Ranch in Buena Vista, Colorado! It was one of the most fun weeks of my life! We got to rappel, do a ropes course, go on an amazing swing, ride horses! I got to spend some much needed time away from my daily schedule. It's amazing the things you think about when you aren't continuously running on your mind-numbing schedule. I had some great time with Jesus and getting to know my girls even deeper and just learning a lot. I see Jesus in a much more realistic, almost tangible way now. He's so real. It's awesome. I feel like I gained some independence and confidence with being alone, which I also love. It's nice to get to just talk about your crap and hear about other people's and realize we're all in this together. It's a cheesy, yet uniting feeling.

Work has been interesting. Along with my 2 boys, I now am doing the summer camp at S.E.E.K. on Mon and Wed. It's pretty chaotic to say the least. It's challenging to get to know a whole classroom of kids while also trying to get to know a new kiddo more in depth in a very noisy, constantly moving environment. I'm definitely learning a lot at least. I'm no longer positive that my career will be in this area. I've been pretty disheartened lately by some kiddos and I just don't know if this is the place for me. Luckily I don't need to make that decision too soon. Only by the end of next Fall when I send out grad school applications. GAH.

That is the next big thing. The GRE. Ew. It's nearly impossible to get into study mode in the summer. However, when I was studying yesterday, I actually did find the material semi-interesting....which is kind of sad, but whateve. I'm comfortable in my nerdiness. Anyway, I'll put up some pictures from camp when I get the energy/time/will power to upload my pictures. Until then, I'm going to finish reading the 4th Twilight book: Breaking Dawn. I hate that I ever even read the 1st one...but they are just so dang good.

summer

2009-05-20T10:56:00.001-07:00

I love that there have been brief storms (if you can call them that) the past day or so. I love when the news talks about the "crazy storm last night." Arizona is wussy. I did enjoy the slightly pouring rain that only existed for about a square mile of Arcadia. I'll take what I can get.

Lately when I've had the what are you studying/what do you want to do with your life conversation, I've felt like my "I want to work with kids with Autism and special needs" response seems very Miss America-ish and I need to end my explanation with "and world peace" or something. It's not really a saves-the-day type of job though. It's all about the little battles and the little achievements and definitely never leaves me feeling very Miss America glamorous at the end of the day. It's not something I really chose so I could feel great about myself or have others think I'm a saint. It's kind of just where my life lead me and I can't imagine myself doing anything else.

Also lately I have been very introspective, trying to figure out what I'm about and who I am and all that jazz. I've gotten stuck on the crap I exhibit in my life. It's been extremely hard to look it in the face and recognize that it's part of me. It's hard to take a step out of it and see the bigger picture. When I start to think about all the other crap Christ has already healed me from over the past few years, I realize this is just the next step in Christ changing me and my heart into who He created me to be. I don't care how cheesy and cliche that sounds. It's the truth. When I keep my mind on that, it's kind of an exciting challenge that I know will continue to change me over time.

Yay for summer. It's nice to finally slow down a bit (emphasis on "a bit").

Open up your plans, and damn you're free!

2009-05-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

Well, this semester has come to an end. I've never been more thankful for that. I feel so relaxed that i don't have to shove everything into limited amounts of time.

I got to hear Obama speak at commencement last night! The heat was the worst, but we survived. It was really inspirational to hear Obama speak. He is a phenomenal speaker and definitely made me want to go out and save the world within my boundaries and abilities. I've never been able to hear a sitting president speak, so that was quite a treat. It's pretty crazy that my boyfriend and a few of my close friends graduated. I feel like I should be 16 or something...not having friends who are graduating, getting married, getting real jobs. I'm glad I have another year of undergrad (well, sort of glad).

There's a lot to look forward to this summer even though I have absolutely nothing planned besides work (which I don't even have scheduled yet). I just look forwad to spending time with people again without strict time restraints. Yay for that.

Something I'm really excited about: This Friday I get to take part in an IEP (individualized education plan) assessment for one of my kiddos. A group of us are meeting to dicuss his development and decide what looks best for him for kindergarten next year. I'm really really excited to take part in something like this. A main reason I want to be in this field is to prepare kids for school and set them up to have a successful career in a mainstream school with little extra help.

I'm over these triple digit temperatures. I've lived in AZ for 21.5 years and it still makes me crazy every summer. Hopefully only one more year of this.

The end is in sight.

2009-04-30T14:36:00.001-07:00

11 more days of school. I can't imagine what life will be like without the weight of articles that need reading, a thesis prospectus that needs revising, and statistics homework that needs to be finished. I think I will feel fresh and my eyes will not feel heavy everyday. This summer looks very uneventful thus far, but I'm actually looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to not having to fight to stay awake anymore. Woo!!

I thought I had insightful things to say right now, but I'm too tired.

much needed.

2009-04-26T09:30:00.000-07:00

My weekend could not have come at a better time. On Friday after work I headed down to Tucson for Sarah's bridal shower (which wasn't until Saturday). Some of Angela's roommates and I went to a bluegrass festival in Benson, AZ. Benson was so podunk and we were the youngest people at the festival by at least 20 years, so everyone stared when we walked in. The girls had some girl friends playing (who were phenomenal) and it was so fun doing something different!

That night Ang and I went to hang out with some of the guys who are my friends from high school. We played "would you rather?" all night and I haven't laughed so much in such a long time. Saturday we set up for the bridal shower all morning and then the shower was actually such a blast. I know the summary of my weekend isn't nearly as fun-sounding as it actually was. It was so great to get to hang out with girls again, especially those girls. It was great to have a fun weekend away right before the crunch time of finals. I may or may not be spending a lot of time in Tucson over the next year and I now could not be more excited about it because I'd get to be around those girls much more often!

Now after all this excitement...I really have to get going on endless reading, writing, and studying. 15 days left until I'm finished with it all!!

a new week.

2009-04-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

For the first time in awhile, I feel like I'm starting fresh with my week. That may be due to the fact that I did little to no homework this weekend...or just a new perspective on things. I'm feeling very optimistic and choosing to stay that way.

Today I made a play-doh skateboard and a paper cut-and-paste castle with one of my kiddos. This one is particularly frustrating and non-compliant, but today was our BEST day yet! I designed this choice schedule where he picks his activity and then picks his reinforcer and it works out SO SO well. Even with him being sick today, we went form task to task with very little anger or freak out. It was SO encouraging.

Moral of the story: I'm excited about life. I have so many ideas of fun things I can begin and work on and everything. For example: cake decorating class this summer with my sister, finally working on (and eventually finishing) my senior year of HS scrapbook, running more often, ect. I'm going to set up an awesome schedule for myself. I cannot wait. But for now, back to work!

Fifteen

2009-04-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

This morning on my way to school, I was listening to Taylor Swift's extremely cliche song Fifteen. As cheesy as this song is, it entirely reminds me of 8-10th grade and how I felt about life then. For instance the lyrics:

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine

Thank goodness I had a father who always reminded me there was more to life than boys. It's something I really wish I could help my Young Life girls understand--there is a much bigger, better world outside of high school. Thank goodness for that. Freakin' Mountain View. (that was my high school).

It's interesting thinking about the next year of my life because I most likely won't be in Arizona after next year (at least for a few years). I'm feeling the need to fit all of these things in and really focus on building myself as a person and in my faith and all of that. It's a fun idea, actually. I'm not 100% sure of what that looks like yet, but I have a lot of little and big decisions to make in the next little while to make it all work out.

Easter was fun. I did children's ministry at Praxis for the morning service and basically held two chunkers in my arms all morning (I volunteer in the nursery) and my arms are still sore. Moms must get great arms and upper body strength. Good grief. It was fun though. I actually love the chaos kids bring.

Pandora Radio

2009-04-06T21:08:00.001-07:00

For those of you who do not use Pandora Radio, you should. It constructs such perfect study playlists for me and you can make it play whatever you want. It's so great.

Lately I've been having those "God set all this up" moments. I just see such a linear connection between my early intervention class last spring to my internship in Australia to my current job to my future career ideas. This definitely isn't just a coincidence or something I carefully put together myself at all. It is one of those things that have seemingly "fallen into place" which is where my "God set this up" moments come in. I know that God uses everything for His grandeur plans for our life, but it is amazing to see it in action. I've been reminded lately of the unbelievable sacrifice God made for us by giving us Jesus. It sounds so simply stated there, but lately I haven't been the person I want to be and God is still present--which shows the grace He gave us through Jesus. Through my endless busy schedule of work, school, yl, and life, it is such a comfort to see God in the middle of it all.

35 days and counting until I'm finished for the semester. It's already too hot in Arizona. Gah. On a positive note, I absolutely adore my 2 boys I work with. However frustrating the day is with them, I always leave with a smile on my face because no matter how frustrated they are with me they still manage to give me the sweetest hugs. It's all about the little things.

Things I would rather be doing...

2009-03-31T09:29:00.001-07:00

I stole this from Angie, but I can't help but think about what I'd rather be doing than being at school (or writing my thesis):

- Still sleeping in bed (with the a/c on...my parents' house is always so hot)
- Reading the rest of the 3rd twilight book
- Sitting on the beach (or anywhere) with Ang talking about useless things
- Watching the new One Tree Hill
- Spending the entire day, guilt free, creating scrapbook cards
- Hanging out with my cute 9 month old niece
- Sitting on the couch watching SoapNet for the rest of the week.

I missed the memo that my 9 o'clock class was cancelled so I woke up 1.5 hours earlier than I needed to. Good morning world! Give me a break today, please.

A week in the life...

2009-03-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

So in one of my classes today I was complaining to a classmate about how I hate Thursdays. This is my weekly Thursday schedule:

GPH210 9-10:15
GPH381 10:30-11:45
PSY497 12-1:15
PSY330 1:30-3:30
Lab meeting 4:30-5:30
Thesis meeting 5:30-6:30
Campaigners 7ish-9:30ish
Hang out at guys house 9:30ish - too late at night (I recognize that this isn't a necessary part of my day, but it is still my weekly schedule)

There's virtually no free time in all of that because I'm probably walking/driving from location to location. Anyway, point of this story, my classmate was saying how Thursdays do suck but then you have a "4-day weekend." Technically I don't have class until next Tuesday again, but I don't remember the last time I actually felt like I had a weekend (apart from my time in washington). It may seem like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but this is just how my life is...which may or may not be a good or bad thing, who knows. I enjoy it enough, probably more than enough. Today I already caught myself saying "I can't wait until summer." I just made a countdown widget...46 days and 13 hours until I'm done for the semester!

Gah.

2009-03-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

I think this semester and next will prove to be the most difficult of my college career. I'm currently making a study guide for probably my hardest test in college thus far and it's for a geography course. Ridiculous.

I started work FINALLY with a client! He's 4 and has autism and is fascinating and such a blast to hang out with! This week I get to meet with our behavioral director and my kiddo and plan goals for him that I get to start working on with him! Thus far, my job has been excellent. I start with another client soon too! Another 4 year old with multiple delays. I'm glad I am loving this job as much as I thought I would. It is an absolute perfect fit for me.

I got to go to Washington with Kevin over spring break, which was a much needed break. I miss the cooler weather so much. Stupid Arizona sun.

I'm busy busy busy and beginning to freak out with how much time I don't have...which leads to wasting time being stressed. Life is really really good. I can't remember ever being this consistently happy before in my life. Yay for that! Back to studying.

I want to be here....

blah blah blah...

2009-03-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

That's all I hear in my stats class. You know class is rough when everyone is rushing to the vending machine or closest coffee shop to get caffeine before class. It's rough. However, I do feel intelligent when I teach myself how to do everything for the homework (...with plenty of help from Kevin. I can't take all the credit.) I get really stressed when I do math-ish homework because you enter all these figures into a formula and expect to come out with a certain number and when I don't I freak out. That is where Kevin comes in to save the day. It's nice to have someone who can simplify things into my range of math terminology/knowledge. I knew I was dating him for a reason.

Life has been full of school and a lot of sleep because I'm getting over the cold/sinus crap that seems to be going around. T-minus 3.5 days until Washington. It's going to be super super difficult to want to come back, but it'll still be a much needed break.

Productivity

2009-02-23T10:13:00.000-08:00

The past few days have finally been productive. Today alone I have already figured out some stuff for some scholarship applications, read 2 articles and worked on some stats homework. AND I've only been awake for about 1.5 hours. Go me. I'm not close to being done. I have to learn to be okay with not being finished with everything since I'm working on my honors thesis and there is always more to do. I got an email last night about registering for Fall 09 classes--begins next Monday! How weird that it will be my last fall semester at ASU. I think I get too sentimental about crap like that, but maybe it is a good thing that I'm reflecting on it all while it's happening. I feel like that is part of living my life to the fullest.

This past week I got to start actually working with SEEK AZ. I was in the classroom 2 different days and got to interview with a family who I'm going to start working in-home with soon! As frustrated/disheartened/tired I was after working, I absolutely loved being with the children again. Children with special needs are usually even more unpredictable than typical children, so it's extra tiring but equally fun/challenging. You have to laugh at the fact that one kid discovered the girl scout cookie room and continually escapes into there despite all the reprimands. Children with special needs are just particularly clever because they have to figure things out in a way that suits them personally--it's fascinating to say the least.

I feel like I've finally settled into being home. Between talking to people, reflecting on myself, and forcing myself to do school...things have fallen into place. I think God is teaching me to find joy in everyday life again since I'd gotten so used to finding enjoyment in the daily adventures of Australia. It's been a battle because I've definitely wanted everything my way since I've been home, but He's put me in a place where that's just not an option. It's nice to be reminded that He has a plan that stretches way beyond my meager "5-year plan."

Coffee Shop Dynamics

2009-02-16T13:12:00.000-08:00

So I've been sitting here in Starbucks at Osborne and Hayden for about 1.5 hours now. There are 2 men who have been here wince I got here working away on their computers. Multiple people have walked in and been recognized by the barristas--typical coffee shop demeanor. However, one of the men working on his computer here has also known a handful of people who have walked in and proceeds to chat it up with them and he honestly just seems so happy about life and one of those guys that everyone loves. The point of all this observation is just to say I love the idea of being a known customer, neighbor, whatever. That small-town ideal has always really appealed to me. I know it has its downfalls, but I just love the romantic ideal of everyone passing by and asking about so-and-so and really caring and all harmonious stuff. I know it sounds like Pleasantville and I should just move to the creepy Agritopia in Gilbert if I really want this "everyone hold hands and sing together" feeling.

Regardless, being here has been a bit refreshing just watching people go about their daily routines. Somehow, it has made my life slow down a bit....which is currently much needed. Thanks Starbucks.

Valentine's Day

2009-02-10T12:10:00.000-08:00

I've never cared less about Valentine's Day. Maybe it's because I'm totally comfortable right now, which is a good thing. People keep asking what we're doing for Valentine's Day and we kinda just look at each other and make up some sarcastic response. People get annoyed because they want some cutesy plan, sorry everyone...we're apparently boring.

I'm finally feeling in place again in Arizona...tomorrow I'll have been home for 2 months. It's about time. I'm ready to travel again. 3.5 weeks till Washington for a week!

I've been thinking a lot about birthdays lately....particularly in the celebration of birthdays. Some people love them, others hate to draw attention to themselves, some people get depressed and feel old/awkward. I feel like everyone should love them. People should have pride in who they are and want to celebrate their life. What do you think?

busy busy bee

2009-02-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

I'm finally starting to focus on school. It's hard when this is the background of your computer and you've actually BEEN there...
This is a picture I took from the resort I was at on Amunuca Island for a day in Fiji. The island in this picture is actually Castaway Island - yes actually from the movie. While I was in Fiji it actually rained the entire day that I was on Amunuca so that was really stinky. Maybe just means I must go back!

I have 100 some odd pages to read of a radical global warming/climate change book. Sound fun? Not at all. I have the whole day to myself though, which I absolutely love.

I'm going through a "I wish I lived in Tucson" phase. I know that sounds a little crazy, but my best friend is down there and I'd have such an amazing group of girls if I were there. I'm still not 100% sure why I never transferred....

This is a rambling blog because I'm procrastinating. Those are the best.

stats again...

2009-01-29T13:41:00.000-08:00

I'm in my stats class again. I'm kind of nervous about school this semester because I'm still in my laid-back Australian school mode. aka...I don't care enough. I have my first paper due tonight. I think I found an honors adviser. Aaaand I spend way too much time playing my blackberry. I now understand why people call it a crackberry...it's SO addicting that I have access to everything on my little handheld device.

Lately I've been having a lot of thoughts and talks about priorities. What are supposed to be your priorities? Can you put values on certain things (ie: school, YL girls, boyfriend) or is it just important to balance it all out? This came about because I told my boyfriend that my YoungLife girls were more important to me than him. Whoops. I realized that that wasn't entirely true and began to think about how people can all have equal importance that you just have to find different time for them? I've been bouncing these ideas all around my head. I haven't gotten very far because I just go in circles.

I'm over school. Ugh.

We've been miles away...

2009-01-27T13:06:00.000-08:00

but now I'm home!

So I've been home for awhile now. Nearly 7 weeks actually. I got to meet my nephew, Luke Arthur Duxbury and my niece is absolutely beautiful and growing so quickly. It's a lot of fun. I turned 21 and started dating one of my best friends--who is hands down one of the greatest guys I know. Since I live at home now, I get to see my parents all the time which is fabulous. I've been able to spend time with high school friends and catch up with some friends from ASU as well. I've jumped back into YL and have slowly gotten back into my girls' lives - my favorite part of my life. I got to take some kids up to Lost Canyon this past weekend so they could do work crew--serve food for over 400 campers! Pretty stressful, but always so much fun. It's great to be able to serve kids food during their weekend of possibly hearing about Christ for the first time. It's great to be able to be involved in His work in that way.

I got a new job at a place called S.E.E.K. AZ I am going to be a habilitation provider...which means I will work in the home/community of a child with special needs and help them with certain developmental goals and tasks. It's what I want to do with the rest of my life, so I'm super super excited about it.

So far, it's rough being back in school. I really really want to be back in Australia where I didn't have to do much school....ever. I do love being home though - only because of the people...I no longer love Arizona. Well I better get back to paying attention in stats...ugh.