Standing outside the fire

I've been listening to a lot of Garth Brooks lately--hence the title. Garth Brooks makes me reminisce about siting next to my dad as he drove our '89 Silverado. He'd always sing along to the country music as we bumped along and I always found a way to fall asleep on his shoulder no matter how long the trip was. It's something I haven't thought about in a very long time. That is a very special memory that I'm glad I get to have with my dad. I hope he remembers those times too.

Apart from the childhood sentiment, Garth Brooks has also brought some inspiration lately. I'm very big about song lyrics. That's why I'm not in love with rap or the popular hip/hop stuff. I love to listen to lyrics that inspire me. These are the lyrics that got me thinking: Life is not tried, it's nearly survived. If you're standing outside the fire.

I would never call myself a big risk taker. But I'm beginning to think that I am in certain aspects of my life. I mean, I went to Australia for 5 months and didn't know anyone. While I was there I went skydiving, scuba diving, and explored the country via bus and plane completely alone. I'd like to consider that risky. I'm also an emotional risk taker....which sounds stupid. I'm usually the one willing to forgive or try things again or give more of my heart or put myself out there to friends. My mom has always told me I don't put up enough of a guard, which may or may not be true sometimes. It is definitely something I've learned over the past year or so. But I've always believed that there's no reason to hold yourself back in any sort of friendship or relationship. There's no use in that. I know that leaves me much more vulnerable to getting hurt (and that definitely happens quite a bit), but the positive outcomes are also much more worth it. Anyway, the Garth Brooks song got me thinking about taking more risks with goals I have for myself. Like graduate school or other personal adventures I've had for myself--like selling my handmade cards or learning to play guitar.

I don't want to just survive life. I'm definitely going to start pursuing more of my dreams that I typically toss aside because I've been too scared of failure. One exciting part about all of this is that I don't need to be scared of not achieving God's plans for me because Proverbs 19:21 tells me: Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. I can pursue my goals and dreams with full force because my steps are being guided and planned by a God who knows me best. So as Garth says it, I can't abide standing outside the fire.

the future

So I was talking to one of my young life girl's parents last night. They are such a fun couple to interact with. We began talking about my current job and what I want to do with my future. A few months back I was confident in what I wanted to do and had my future all lined up for what I thought seemed best. I like what Jesus decides to do with that. He has brought me new thoughts, new conversations and new inspirations. Now I have absolutely no idea what my future is going to look like and I couldn't feel more excited about it.

People would always tell me that it must be nice to know what I want to do, but part of me was kind of bored with that idea. Now I'm back to only having a very small idea of where my heart is going to lead me. I love it. I want to take each day as it comes and only have small goals for the future, trusting that God will give me the best He has in store for me. God's plans are much more exciting than my own. I'm glad I am finally back to realizing that.

July!

I can't get over that today is July 1st. I think I've mentioned it to everyone I've talked to for the past few days or so. June was a good month. I feel like I haven't been very productive with anything and the weeks just continue to begin and end very quickly. Every Saturday night I find myself thinking the weekend isn't long enough.

Growing up and doing real stuff is boring so far. I'm trying to find ways to feel more accomplished. I'm thinking about selling my homemade cards somehow. I think it's partly just to feel like my card designing is profitable. That would be a fun ego boost. My mom said some lady sold them in little bundles at her work. I've also found ways to sell them online. I've been looking at this site called Etsy that has a smorgasbord of adorable homemade things. I'm very inspired. It's something I've always wanted to do. I've also started reading a lot more than ever before. When I find a good book, nothing around me gets accomplished. My washed clothes sat in stacks in my room for about two weeks after camp until I finished 2 books.

I'm ready for a vacation. In August I'm going to visit Angie up in Vancouver and could not be more excited for it. I cannot wait for her to show me around the city. I absolutely cannot wait to wake up Saturday morning in Vancouver and go to whichever coffee shop Angela has deemed her favorite. A coffee shop, with my best friend, in Vancouver--sounds almost like perfection right now. After Vancouver I'm going to head down to Seattle and hang out for a week! I'm also very very excited about that. I love it up there. It's a mix between the weather, the people, and the lack of any responsibility. Those 3 things together make a phenomenal vacation. Only 5.5 weeks and then I'm there!