Saturday, April 9, 2011

It's All Uncharted

Here is another collection of gifts I made for Christmas. I forget where I even found the idea of mod-podging book pages onto canvas, but I loved the idea and have zillions of ideas of other pieces of art I can make with this simple medium.

The first piece was for my sister, Alyssa. She has been involved in theatre all her life, so the drama faces seemed like a good fit. They were a pain to trace, glue, and glitter. I was determined to use the purple glitter (her favorite color). The book pages were from Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist--the first play my sister and I ever acted in together. Super sentimental, right? {Poor lighting in my room lead to not the clearest pictures...I need to work on that}

The next piece is for my sister-in-law, Cheryl and my beautiful baby niece, Brynn. The book was called the Tao of Pooh, which I thought was clever and fun. I just mod-podged on some letters I cut from scrapbook paper and tied the bow to make it a bit more feminine!

Just downloaded some new music today that I'm pretty excited about. Mumford & Sons, Sara Bareilles, Alexi Murdoch, & some Missy Higgins -- semi random selection.

I also just got back from a 3 mile run! I am super excited that I can now run 3 miles in the time I was running 2 miles before. Add in the elevation factor and I am getting a rockin' work out. Hoorah! I told myself that once I can run 5 miles 3 times a week...I can spend some cash on cool work out clothing and maybe new shoes. I think I should set up some sort of weekly reinforcement schedule....hmmm love this idea.

Have I mentioned yet that I might spend my summer in Spain as a live-in au pair for a Spanish family? We're still in the works of emailing and figuring things out, but I am getting super excited. The family lives 2 miles from the beach and has two little boys--oh it would be grand!

Another exciting note...MY PARENTS COME NEXT WEEK!!!! April 16 - 24 and I couldn't be more excited. I have created an extensive "things to do" list and cannot wait to eat delicious food and explore more of Seattle. I am keeping my fingers crossed for little to no rain. I think my mom is getting pretty worried about the rain--it is not at all like the pouring rain often shown on Grey's Anatomy. It barely pours like that. If anyone has any "must do" Seattle ideas, please let me know!

{My mood has clearly improved. I am guessing it is predominately from the endorphins I received from running...don't be too fooled.}

The good days are slowly balancing out the bad. The future seems very "uncharted"--a term I'm stealing from a Sara Bareilles song I just downloaded. Not sure where I will live in the fall, what I will be doing this summer, where I will be working next year. For someone who loves clear cut plans, it's honestly pretty scary. I am trying to embrace the adventure of it and stay positive. I have lots of options for each unknown, which is quite exciting and quite the gift.

As Sara B. says in her "Uncharted" song--I am out of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how to get started. One day at a I come!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Beautiful disaster

The title of this blog describes my past month. March was a beautiful disaster. I sit here and wonder where the entire month even went.

I did a lot of things I'd never done before--the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Let's start with some of the good: I have actually committed to running! WOO! I can consistently run 2 miles without stopping. I am having a lot of fun playing around with my strides, pace, and duration of running without stopping. I have begun to run in my neighborhood more which has zillions of hills. I can confidently face them without stopping or turning around. My stride slows significantly, but it's such an exhilarating challenge. I actually just got back from a 2.25 mile run and I ran probably 2 miles of it. Hoorah. I love pushing past the pain in my legs and running to the beat of my music as I reflect on the chaos I've created in my life. I even got in a 4 mile run somewhere along the way. Now when I begin to run I instantly feel on pace and happy--it is fantastic.

Two weeks ago was my UW spring break, but I still had 8-4 work at the EEU. I lived that spring break like a freshman in college. Fill in the blanks as to what you think that would look like. I am going to spare the embarrassing details. That Friday at work my coworkers were astonished by my stories. One even mentioned he was a bit worried--which is a lot coming from him. However, another coworker pulled me aside that morning and told me that it was okay that I was a mess right now. That is was okay that I was letting loose and finding myself again.

Oh. my. goodness.

He had no idea how that truth would literally set me free. At that point I began to stop searching for some crazy outlet to hide the pain I was feeling. Of course, the next week consisted of lots of crying--which I hadn't allowed myself to do yet. There has been lots of crying. Lots of realizing I am losing my best friend and then having to search for my breath again because the thought of that is so heartbreaking? devastating? unfathomable? All of those words don't quite hit the mark of the emotion, but you get the point. I'm finally showing the world the real hurt that is going on inside.

{Did everyone just think I was coping really well? I'm not sure but I've felt super alone over here.} I assume the fact that I have been laughing it all off the past few weeks and making a fool of myself that everyone just thought I was okay. It is also not easy for me to come to people for emotional help or advice. I love to be the person people go to, but prefer to cry alone.

Anyway, you can see that I am still very much processing what is going on in my life. The next step to all of this processing is going to be messy. When life is so entwined with someone else's, the teasing apart of each life is painful. Oh and to top that off, I got hives this week for the first time in my life. Had a small outbreak yesterday, some more this morning, and then more during class tonight. Freakin' fabulous. What's next?

On another happy note, I have made huge strides with my kids a school--I just love them so much. I have also really screwed up with kids at school by making a wrong decision or a wrong direction, so I've learned a lot in that realm as well during the month of March. I just began a new quarter at UW--my last quarter of my 1st year of graduate school!

Overall, there are some good days and some really bad days, but life continues. At church on Sunday, Pastor Richard talked about renouncing the lies and turning toward the truths. I am just beginning to unfold all the lies I have let seep into my life and have made me view aspects of myself and my life in a different way. My roommates and a few new close friends have been amazing support in helping me see the truth. More to come. Join me again soon!