Thursday, February 4, 2010

Life is changing

As I mentioned before, a LOT LOT LOT has been going on in my life. I have been very confused about what God has been trying to show me as I have felt like I keep failing at many aspects of my life. From the little things to the bigger things, it feels like most things lately have turned in a negative direction. (I realize a lot of this is an attitude issue, but that is in repair as well...)

Anyway, I finally came to a conclusion on what was going on. As I was driving to bible study last night, I was preparing to share with the girls about what has been going on in my life and what God has been teaching me. I deliberately chose this week so I could finally come to some conclusion about all the confusion. Up until my drive there, I still had no idea. Then as I finally sat in silence waiting to hear any sort of direction, I began to think of the lessons God had asked me to learn in the past. There have been many difficult seasons in my life. Whether it was feeling lonely from friends or family issues, once I finally stopped to listen, God was always asking, "when ________ (friends/family/guys/) fails you, will you still believe in me?" It has been a battle, but the answer has continued to be "yes" or more like "okay fine." Last night I finally realized that God was asking "If and when you fail yourself, will you still believe in me? Will you finally realize your absolute need for me?" Wow. I've never had such a humbling experience.

I am still {obviously} processing all of what this means, but I finally feel at peace now that I have made sense of all the confusion and frustration. Just another step in the healing process that is continuous once you choose to follow Christ. How amazing that He would choose to relentlessly pursue me even when I kept pushing away. Hmm. Pushing away has been a common theme in my life and I think I'm finally being forced to look it in the face, which always brings some much needed changes in who I am. Gosh I am excited for those changes.

On a good note...I got an acceptance to an Early Childhood Special Education graduate program!

There is a high possibility I will be a UW Husky next year! I am so exited about all the opportunities this acceptance opens up. I can honestly say that getting into UW is a dream come true and I cannot wait to see what happens next. I'm waiting on funding options and to see if I get any other acceptances. Part of me hopes I do have options, but other parts of me hope that the UW acceptance continues to get better and better because I would love to have Seattle as my next home. We will see! Now back to writing an application essay for travel funds to go to Baltimore for that infant studies conference...oh joy!

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