Even my hair and skin want out..

So maybe this is too much wishful thinking, but I have to think that other places (Seattle, Nashville, or Oregon) aren't this dry. My skin and hair have been SCREAMING at me for some moisture. I promise if you get close enough you can hear them too. I'm definitely biting at the bit to get out of Arizona.

(Small side note: I've been using weird cliches lately like "biting at the bit" or "toot my own horn." If you hear me use one, please just smile and bear with me. I'm too tired to think of my own creative words)

I always tell myself I'm going to make some time to be creative, but sooner than I know it it's Monday again and then all of a sudden Saturday aaaaand it never ends. SO I've decided to set myself a little goal so that I can have some mandatory down time. I am going to create something each week. I've gotten really into baking fun treats or dinners and also love to make scrapbook creations or cards or what have you. Every week I am going to do one of these things, take a picture, and share it on my blog. I feel that if I put this in writing I will be much more likely to follow through. (I have much difficulty following through without deadlines or goals to meet.)

Off to study how much checking action Brad has at 40% lung vital capacity....big test in physiological & anatomical basis of speech tomorrow. The name of the class itself is a doozy...great.

Fun Updates!

I have written 3 graduate school application essays, 1 school assignment and revised a large portion of my 35 page thesis in the past 3 days.

Exciting news though! Graduate school applications are FINISHED! (...apart from putting these ugly, manila envelopes on the express lane to Oregon tomorrow). Since it is now past 1:30 am, I have meticulously checked to make sure all my essays to Oregon say "University of Oregon" and "Early Intervention Special Education program" approximately 5 times per essay. I even opened an envelope I had already sealed because I was certain something was typed in correctly. This is getting pathetically obsessive.

I had a phone interview with a lady from Vanderbilt today! She sounded like my admission was very promising, but I find out for sure within the next week. She asked all about my honors thesis and was "very impressed that an undergraduate knew that much about research." (finally my thesis paid off for something useful!) That phone call was some much needed encouragement on the thesis front. Part of me still hopes the acceptance doesn't come through because I don't want to have to choose where I go next year. I want it to chose me and that's it.

Anyway, I still have a good 45 minutes of thesis revision so that I can submit it before I sleep. Then off to work at 8 am! I think I will sleep the entire weekend. Valentine's day, I'm sorry I will sleep through you, but you'd rather have me sleep than deal with an overly tired, Lauren.

Hmm..

Some days I wish I could put my foot down and say "no no no" and not have to do anything I didn't want to do just like my 18 month old niece.

I am having one of those weeks where I just want to say no thanks.

No thanks to the 5 papers I have due Thurs and Friday. You can write yourselves. I want nothing to do with you.

Life is changing

As I mentioned before, a LOT LOT LOT has been going on in my life. I have been very confused about what God has been trying to show me as I have felt like I keep failing at many aspects of my life. From the little things to the bigger things, it feels like most things lately have turned in a negative direction. (I realize a lot of this is an attitude issue, but that is in repair as well...)

Anyway, I finally came to a conclusion on what was going on. As I was driving to bible study last night, I was preparing to share with the girls about what has been going on in my life and what God has been teaching me. I deliberately chose this week so I could finally come to some conclusion about all the confusion. Up until my drive there, I still had no idea. Then as I finally sat in silence waiting to hear any sort of direction, I began to think of the lessons God had asked me to learn in the past. There have been many difficult seasons in my life. Whether it was feeling lonely from friends or family issues, once I finally stopped to listen, God was always asking, "when ________ (friends/family/guys/) fails you, will you still believe in me?" It has been a battle, but the answer has continued to be "yes" or more like "okay fine." Last night I finally realized that God was asking "If and when you fail yourself, will you still believe in me? Will you finally realize your absolute need for me?" Wow. I've never had such a humbling experience.

I am still {obviously} processing all of what this means, but I finally feel at peace now that I have made sense of all the confusion and frustration. Just another step in the healing process that is continuous once you choose to follow Christ. How amazing that He would choose to relentlessly pursue me even when I kept pushing away. Hmm. Pushing away has been a common theme in my life and I think I'm finally being forced to look it in the face, which always brings some much needed changes in who I am. Gosh I am excited for those changes.

On a good note...I got an acceptance to an Early Childhood Special Education graduate program!

There is a high possibility I will be a UW Husky next year! I am so exited about all the opportunities this acceptance opens up. I can honestly say that getting into UW is a dream come true and I cannot wait to see what happens next. I'm waiting on funding options and to see if I get any other acceptances. Part of me hopes I do have options, but other parts of me hope that the UW acceptance continues to get better and better because I would love to have Seattle as my next home. We will see! Now back to writing an application essay for travel funds to go to Baltimore for that infant studies conference...oh joy!