Friday, August 2, 2013

I'm baaaaack...

I forgot I even had this thing. In September 2011, I deleted myself from the online world. Closed down my Facebook and stopped reading my Google Reader blogs.

As I was doing all my soul searching that summer, I realized I was comparing myself to everyone I was reading about online. It was such a vicious cycle day-after-day. Everyone else seemed to be having more of something that I wanted.

"Sally lives a perfect life--beautiful children, loving husband, immaculate house with infinite time to make endlessly adorable DIY home decor."

I mean, come on, no one really lives like that. I have finally reached a point of maturity where I can recognize that. Thank goodness. It really is quite a relief. I am now back in the Facebook world and finally looking at things in a new light--wow, I actually have the job I went to school for and a great life and managed to have no children.

High five to myself.

Something happened to me this summer--or maybe slowly over the past two years--that has drastically changed me. Maybe that's just called growing up, but it feels so good. I am definitely living the time of my life right now and feel more myself than ever before. I feel like I am who I want to be (yet still a work in progress) and feel okay in my own skin.  I feel like I have mellowed out significantly--to the point where I can't imagine how insufferable I was to deal with before now.

Thank you to everyone that has stuck it out with me.

I started a real job last year as a preschool special educator just south of Seattle. I earned a real paycheck along with real stress. At my lowest point, I even had to take some over-the-counter pills to help me fall asleep because my mind would constantly race about my classroom. However, by the end of the year, I would just start planning behavior plans as I was laying in bed and would fall instantly to sleep. Glad I mastered that one.

Over the past few weeks, I have been searching preschool and special education blogs as inspiration for next year. I feel like I have a much better shot at being the teacher I want to be next year than I ever had last year. In all honesty, I can't tell you what happened most of last fall. My mind has literally blacked it out. My students survived through the end of the school year with no major injuries, and learned how to sing a song about toothbrushing. Success.

One blogger talked about all the different hats she wears as a special educator, and that really struck me. Another relief that I am not the only one who feels like I have to walk in many different shoes throughout each day--sometimes two different shoes at the same time. I spent most of the year wondering which pair of shoes I needed to wear at which different much so that I never stayed in one pair of shoes long enough to feel like I broke them in.

Point of this story--> I am going to focus on unravelling these different roles I need to play as a teacher and a special educator over the next year via this blog. Feel free to join me on the journey.

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